by Alanna
We found out this summer that we are expecting our seventh child. Similar tides of emotion always wash over my ankles on this sort of discovery. This time the initial moments felt more like a wave threatening to take me under. But always too the beauty of the shoreline and the crisp air taking my breath away. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above. Sometimes it takes a little time to process; then I learn also to think less about how we will homeschool come February and more about the grace given me in this moment. Today. I am gifted to be the bearer of life. I get to be this door through which a human soul is to enter the world. I get to experience in my own body something fearful and wonderful being knit together. To house another human heartbeat. To be the first to whisper God's love to them. I get to sacrifice convenience and ease for a house full of laughter. It's counter cultural, this having children thing. In the world yes, and sometimes this unbridled reckless trust feels lonely even in the church. But God is the creator of life. It was His idea, His delight. Behold children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. I never fully feel the emotional and spiritual weight of shepherding the baby until I see them on the 20-week ultrasound. Tonight was that night. Tonight we found out we are having another son. One daughter and six sons. Lord willing, my oldest son will turn eight just a few weeks before this baby arrives. What a trust we have been given. I stagger under the weight of it but I know my Savior upholds me. Raising sons in our age feels like a meaningful mission. To teach young men how to love well, how to be strong defenders and leaders with servant's hearts. To battle sin, to think clearly, to find dependence on the Lord to be their strength and not a fault.
Strangers always comment on how I must be a saint or how they could never do it or how I am such a good mom, as if having so many kids so quickly automatically translates to me loving them well. Truth is most days the word that would most readily come to mind to describe myself is inadequate. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God. But despite all I feel, I love this. I love being a mom, I love teaching them, I love being with them. I love the work that God has given me to do. To display to the world the truth that life is beautiful and precious and that every individual is a gift to be celebrated. Made in God's image, fearfully and wonderfully.
