when comes the rain

By Mary

The skies are slate gray, heavy-laden with water just ready to fall down in torrents as it has the past several days. There was a river of it running through the grass when we took our dog out last night and with dripping hair and wet feet I think again of God's perfect timing, His good gifts, how He sends the rain to the earth in it's season.

In the past month, there have been two special dates marked in blue pen on my calendar. One year since I married the love of my life, two since I met the children who stole my heart forever.

I remember so clearly choking back the tears when Alanna and I said goodbye to our families at the airport and ventured through security. I remember sitting, waiting to board a crowded flight, catching up on the last week or two that we hadn't seen each other much with our last minute preparations and spending time with people we'd be leaving behind. We griped about not even knowing the time because we left our cell phones. And we wondered why had decided to go to a city as far away from home as we could get in the world when we were perfectly happy with the lives that we had.

And oh how overwhelmed I felt when I wandered up to the nursery the morning after our late arrival with the dishes piled high next to the sink and baths underway and people going here and there with a job to do and however was I going to fit in here? I didn't know til months later that the hardest thing about the entire experience would be leaving.

And then our wedding--all fun and bliss and dreams come true. Two people so in love--and stubborn, impatient and oh so sinful. I've read so much about marriage and heard such great advice and somewhere along the line I began to think that it takes hard work to make a marriage perfect ntil I realized that a marriage is hard work--and it will never be perfect.

We have our starry-eyes and our giddiness and our fights and the times when our favorite person on earth seems like the worst one we've ever encountered and even in this first year our commitment has come down to such an ugly-beautiful as "I know God hates divorce so I won't".

So I look out at the rain falling in sheets and I see more clearly every day that God has a plan far beyond mine. Sometimes the rain feels sweet and warm and sometimes it's cold and stinging. Sometimes the days just seem so dry--and never is life what I expect it.

God reaches beyond my expectations and allows me to serve and live in beautiful South Africa, to love well snotty noses and spit-up and sticky kisses and dirty nappies, to break my heart for precious lives and grow me through the year and a half away from them.

He shows me His love for me, not just when my husband and I love each other as He's called us to do, but when our relationship shows us how much patience and compassion He has for us-His bride, His children, His people. What sacrifice for sinners, what tender mercies for His broken redeemed.

You visit the earth and water it,
You greatly enrich it;
The river of God is full of water;
You provide their grain,
For so You have prepared it.
You water its ridges abundantly,
You settle its furrows;
You make it soft with showers,
You bless its growth.

You crown the year with Your goodness,
And Your paths drip with abundance.
They drop on the pastures of the wilderness,
And the little hills rejoice on every side.
The pastures are clothed with flocks;
The valleys also are covered with grain;
They shout for joy, they also sing

--Psalm 65:9-13

lasting brokenness

by Alanna

So the news has finally reached American soil, and even though it hasn't made big headlines yet, if you search for it you can find stories of the drought in eastern Africa. They say that the drought has affected an estimated 12.5 million people. The biggest refugee camp in the world, Dadaab, Kenya, now holds 400,000 people. Children starving, political violence, families fleeing. Always, requests for money to help alleviate suffering. This reminds me of the disasters that came before- the tsunami in Asia, the earthquake in Haiti. We are faced with a choice, as always. It's not a hard choice though, really. To open up our fat wallets and write a check. To mail the almighty dollar as we close our hearts and turn back to our petty sandcastles. Will this be like everytime before? A small snippet in the newspaper, months later, explaining that the Red Cross actually didn't send that aid to Haiti. The harsh reality, one and a half years later, that the crumbled down buildings still lay where they fell. And all of us still walking about, one more callous added to our already impenetrable hearts. I pray that this time, we recognize that maybe money is not enough. That maybe money was just meant to be a start, and maybe God meant what He said when He said to care for orphans and widows in their distress. I pray that this time, we don't move on from another disaster. I pray that our hearts stay broken. That we remember and grieve everyday for the millions of individual God-images, that are starving to death all the time. I pray that our grief and our brokenness, move us to action. And that our hearts remain pliable, broken shards in the hands of our Creator. Mourning for the lost, begging God with tears in the dirt, for Him to come and restore all things.

1,000 words

(photo credit Tori Braun & Tricia Harnish)

...and if you're looking for something to really read, check out

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

life is too busy

by Alanna

Only because it's been so long since I posted, I'll write a quick update on my life for now. I have been crazy busy the last month, and also had lots of time to think on long, long car trips through 8 states. I have thought of multiple things I'd like to blog about- my sister's wedding, the way my family looks out for each other, the ache in my heart for my son far away, getting a new job and signing a year long i-promise-to-stay-in-america contract, beautiful reunions with dear friends. The list could go on. One month ago my little sister got married, and then just two weeks ago we moved her and her husband down to Texas. Home for a day, and then I drove up to Minnesota for my dear friend's wedding. Met my Australian friend there, and drove back down to Denver with her and the cousin to have more fun times. We went to the mountains on Monday, downtown on Tuesday night, and today I officially started work. I do plan to write (soon) about this new path that God has pointed me down. But for now I just have time for a quick Andrew Murray quote. Ironically, in all this insanity, I have been reading a book called 'Waiting on God'. It has been quenching, convicting. I want to be better at this.

In waiting on God, it is of infinite consequence that we not only submit, because we are compelled to, but because we lovingly and joyfully consent to be in the hands of our blessed Father. Patience then becomes our highest blessedness and our highest grace. It honors God, and gives Him time to have His way with us. It is the highest expression of our faith in His goodness and faithfulness. It brings the soul perfect rest in the assurance that God is carrying on His work. It is the token of our full consent that God should deal with us in such a way and time as He thinks best. True patience is the losing of our self-will in His perfect will.

precious moments

by mary

Today little one, I remember so clearly all the precious moments we shared. I remember all the times I told you I had a secret and how you'd laugh your growling laugh when I whispered "I love you" in your ear. I remember how you'd put one hand on either one of my cheeks and whisper the same secret back to me. I remember laying in your bed together, surrounded on every side by small sweet people-bundles--your friends and my heart, my world. How I miss you all.

I remember holding you and crying together when you were in so much pain. I remember singing and dancing together and eating the same ice cream cone. I remember the way your mouth puckers and your eyebrows come together when you shake your head "no".

I remember being late for my shift the only time because you stopped me on my way with your biggest hug, your sweetest I love yous and that same shake of your head "no" as you you told me not to go. And how you blew my misses the rest of my way to work...

I remember you running to me and your softness tight around my neck, clinging to my body, full in my arms.

I remember reading stories and playing in the sand, naptimes and bedtimes and singing a room to sleep. I remember the night before I left crying as quietly as I could next to each of your beds as the night grew older and my prayers poured out for every one of you, little children of my heart.

I'm so thankful I don't have to worry about you now. My own eyes have seen how you are wanted, how you are loved, how you're taught about Jesus. I couldn't wish either one of us away from where we are now. But I still miss you. And I hope you learn to treasure every moment of your life as I treasure every minute God gave me with you.

Happy birthday.

dark chocolate and photos

By Mary

I've always loved decorating, rearranging, making the house feel fresh and new with a few simple changes. And I guess I never really realized how nice it was to have some things just be stable...pots and pans always go here. Towels there. Something has to be on that wall because something is supposed to be on that wall.

I love the idea of starting with a blank slate but sometimes, I find it hard to fill up. My weakest point is hanging up all the photos and paintings. They sit for days, laying around where I can see them and muse on their proper location as I go about my day, stopping every so often to hold one against the wall and eye it critically. And then back they go to any flat surface that seems safe from puppy paws and teeth, to wait until another time when I can figure out what will be just right, what will give me the look I'm trying to achieve.

I'm like that in life too. It's not exactly that I'm indecisive, that I don't know what I desire. I can envision an outcome and set a goal. But what's the perfect way to reach it? I have to realize that the outcome isn't everything and the journey is just as important as the destination. Sometimes it's not just what will you do but how will you do it. It's not finding the next thing but savoring what's now.

And I want to plan, I want to do what's right. I don't want to mess up or do too little or fail in some way. But I need to want God and not just His plan but Him and relationship with Him.

Several days ago I unwrapped a small square of dark chocolate, took a bite between my teeth and read the little message on the inside of the wrapper. "Treasure the little things". It's not just an inspirational message but what God has been teaching me. Each moment is unique and worthwhile, a gift. Making the most of them is not about doing the most or figuring out the magical right thing to do but rather valuing who He is and what He's doing in every little part of life.

settling down

By Mary

In our new apartment, things are in slight disarray. The extra bed we have for guests is littered with pictures waiting for their place on the wall and knickknacks that haven't yet found a place to belong. And no matter how hard I try, our table is always half covered in things that don't belong.

We've been here ten days, plus our three day stay in a hotel. Furniture has been delivered with a bit of hassle and drama, our clothes are folded right where I can find them or hanging easily to see and I can stop unzipping a suitcase for everything. Every box has been taken out and it's all a matter of finding the right space for the right thing...which admittedly might take me a month or two.

But it's good to be settled, in some part, to have our own things, a place to call home.

God allowed our house in North Carolina to be rented, on the very day we moved into the apartment, such a load off my mind. But nothing else seems to be going easily...household goods damaged in the move, a sick dog, problems with my medical paperwork on the insurance company's side complicating finding a doctor, fruitless church-hunting. I missed graduations and birthdays and weddings I'd hoped to see in Colorado and really I just miss having friends close by.

I have a long list of things I run over in my mind to complain to myself and wish to be different. But these things are so trivial when I think of how God has blessed us. He's provided so much...and this whole last month spent with my husband, visiting his family and packing our things, long hours driving and all the stress has been such complete blessing. The fact that I've had no morning sickness through all the busyness. The fact that Nick's boss is willing to lend us anything and help us out in any way...that he and his family have been friends when we could so easily feel lost and disconnected.

God tends to do far more than I could ever imagine or wish for, even during the times I feel He must be ruining my life. And while I hope life will start to settle down as we settle in in Maryland, I pray never to settle into complacency or forgetfulness and never cease to praise Him for who He is.