By Mary
Sometimes I worry I'm not a very good friend. Sometimes I worry people don't like me enough. Sometimes I worry I'll be forgotten. Sometimes I don't think I do enough--or at least the right things. Sometimes I think I let people down. And sometimes, it's true. I am those things. And sometimes I just need to learn, not just how to do better, but that it's not the end of the world. When it comes down to it, I don't have the power I think I have. My mistakes or triumphs aren't earth-shattering. God will use them both as He sees fit.
There's such freedom in it all--not to do as I wish but to rest in my Father's peace, my Lord's goodness, my King's might.
For me it's easier to live in the shallows of my life. I'm scared to dive in and see what's underneath. The waters rushing around me confuse me and cloud my mind. I prefer things to be simple and clear-cut. I want my life to look smooth, without a ripple. Perfect, not messy. Not just to others but to myself. And I know it won't look that way if I choose to look deeper.
Right now I'm beginning to see that God is there in the chaos. Some of it isn't even so messy after all but rather blends in a beautiful harmony. And all the rest, the things I wants me to put in order...what other way is there to see them but to look?
"Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me...For when I am weak, then I am strong."
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