love makes beautiful

by Alanna

      Eight days ago the man I love asked me to marry him, and I said yes (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I'm in awe of God's goodness, amazed at His plans and His perfect timing, rejoicing in what He's given, and thankful doesn't even begin to describe my worship and adoration of Him these days.

      I'd like to write about something God has shown me through my fiancee these past months. That is, love makes beautiful. I read it first in a marriage book- that a husband has much power to make his wife beautiful by the way that He loves her and cares for her. Kind of like tending a garden. I didn't understand it much at the time, but I think now I see the truth of this in two ways.

    First, love makes beautiful because it begets joy through the knowledge that we are accepted and beloved. I'll be honest here and say that I've rarely in my life felt beautiful. I've struggled with lies about my worth and my identity and a host of other things. From the very beginning of our relationship, this man accepted me. In the beginning I found it hard to believe, and wondered if he would leave when he knew me better. But slowly I let my guard down, and I let him see even the ugly sin inside of me. I began to let go of fear and believe that this man really loved me for who God had created me to be. And I realized then, for the first time in my life, that I felt beautiful. It's a joyous thing, the knowledge that you are cherished.

      Love also makes beautiful because it involves our sanctification. God demonstrates His love for us by His redemption of us. He doesn't leave us the way we are. He is rooting out sin in us, and the more we become like Him the more we reflect His beauty. True love doesn't tell you that you are perfect. It asks you to change things that need changing; it encourages you to keep struggling against sin and running again and again to Jesus.

       So these things I'm slowly learning. Love begets joy, and joy makes someone beautiful. Love involves sanctification and redemption, and this makes us beautiful as we become conformed to the image of His Son. God has been showing me a faint but beautiful reflection of these truths through my fiancee. So I am praising God and asking Him to keep my eyes fixed on Him and His goodness. Because I find in this love the faint echoes of the deep and furious love of God for us. My identity and my worth are found in Christ. God's redemption and forgiveness of us demonstrates a love I can't even comprehend. His faithfulness toward us is unending because it is sealed with the blood of His only Son.

For the Lord takes pleasure

in His people

He will beautify the afflicted ones

with salvation.

Psalm 149:4



happy to be alive

by Alanna

    Today at the park a little girl swinging on some bars told me rather quietly, "I love being 6." I stopped and looked at her and smiled big. Of course, if you are 6 it is easy to love life. You can fit in small tunnels easily, you can clamber over bars 

and run fast and not get tired. 

If you are 6 then the whole world is full of new things to be discovered. 

One of my little sisters turned 13 today, and she was literally counting down the hours until she became a teenager. I'm sure she would say today, "I love being 13." She is off getting her ears pierced now. 

    And then I wondered, do I love being 22? And I was reminded of something important- it is the loving of life, the embracing and rejoicing in the place and time God has you- that makes all the difference. I always think that I want to be a kid again. Oh, if I could just turn back the clock and be my 6-year-old self. But I wonder if the reason I crave childhood is because I've lost something from it. I've lost thankfulness and sheer delight in the time God has me in. 

We went walking the other night, through Windsor Gardens all lit up beautiful for Christmas. And my boyfriend's mom spoke in Russian and he translated for me- "she says it's like walking through fairyland". And the three of us laughed.

Maybe she was right. 

It might not take away the ache in my heart. And I might still cry driving home at night, 

missing my son. 

But what if we took all these moments and made them beautiful by thanking the Creator and 

rejoicing that we get to live in them? 

I'd like to feel awe that God gives us such good gifts- this life, this time, this place. 

I'd like to delight in it, to dance and sing and rejoice like a child. 

I'd like to love being 22.