by Alanna

Perhaps I’m alone, but I doubt it, in wondering sometimes if I am meant to be here. I am not cut out to be a mom to three kids under 2 ½. I can’t handle the two I have; I don’t give them healthy lunches; I don’t deserve this kind and patient husband; I don’t belong here worshipping in this church when darkness so oppresses me; I don’t deserve to be a daughter to them.  Maybe we all hear something false at times. Maybe you believe you should not be still single, still waiting. Maybe you are not cut out for the suffering you are going through. Maybe tomorrow will feel too overwhelming and you just won’t get out of bed. All these doubts and fears and lies, settled by one thing. The truth. God put you here. If you are following Jesus, then here is where He has you. If you are a mother, then He created and purposefully placed each baby in your womb or in your heart, and made you their mother for whatever time He has. He knows everything about you. He knows you are going to fail them. If you have been waiting for so long for something, He knows. He purposefully placed you right here, where you are.  If you are headed off to a foreign land, He is sending you and goes with you.  I know for myself that God put me in this house, with this husband and these children. It is not myself I’m to depend on, but Him. Who am I to say to my Creator that maybe He got it wrong?  Maybe I won’t be able to handle this next child, maybe things will be too hard for me, maybe darkness will overwhelm me.  But I know the truth.  Jesus put me here.  He goes before me and behind me and lives inside of me.  His grace is always sufficient. Instead of fear I want to embrace joy, in eager expectation to see what He will do next.