Thus far

By Mary

A year ago I was packing, writing goodbye notes to friends, throwing out a pair of flip flops worn through by many hours spent on the pebbly red-dirt paths in South Africa. The sun was warm on my shoulders when I went to see the kids for the last time at preschool, held them in my lap and chased them around the playground. Mighty and Chance held me tight around my neck and asked me not to leave. Similo told me he loved me and that he'd be sad without me...and the others were too young to understand yet that this was it. Another goodbye in their small lives so filled with them.

I ate a lunch with Alanna that neither of us were hungry for. We went to our last volunteer meeting and Anna surprised us both with a treat from Milky Lane, SA's version of Dairy Queen.

With every hug and well-wishing, I fought against the tears that still found their way out the corners of my eyes and the lump in my throat grew harder and larger. And the time kept going by-so fast. I needed more time...but no amount of time would ever have been enough to help me feel ready to leave them.

We woke up the Lions from their nap, sleepy angel eyes with warm cheeks and tousled hair. The wood floor of their bedroom was the most precious place on earth when they all came to sit with us, soft, small hands holding red paper hearts with their names and pictures and the words "I love you".

And then it was over and time to go. I've never wanted so much to miss a flight.

We sat in the airport and watched the clouds cry their own tears and for an hour pitchfork lightning shot across the darkened expanse of night sky.

I miss them just as much today as I did in that hour in OR Tambo International Airport. A piece of my heart is there still...but it aches less. They're still in my dreams at night, the tears still come but there's joy in life that isn't caught up solely in a location or even in the ones I love, whether in South Africa, Colorado, or North Carolina. The Lord has faithfully brought me through the many changes that have come this past year and I'm excited for everything that the future holds.

"Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen, and called it's name Ebenezer, saying 'Thus far the Lord has helped us.' "

Today my eyes are opened to all that God has done for me. And as the line in one of my favorite songs says "Here I raise my Ebenezer." Today I'm remembering that thus far the Lord has helped me--and praising Him for it.