lest I forget

by Alanna

In my house I recently discovered a small zip lock bag full of sticky notes. They are from my days as a single woman, when I owned my own car and drove people around in it often. They are God-given gifts, written down and captured. Given thanks for then, and now again years later as I look and remember. Estes Park with a small date in the corner. Indoor plumbing. Sindi. An ever-redeeming Savior. Martin and his family.

I also found pictures and stories and notes. Those eight precious ones I loved in Haiti 6 years ago, the "Lions" and their hand prints in red paint, scribbled pictures from my little one, a small heart necklace from a girl named Danya I met in Juarez 9 years ago, a circle necklace from that heart-broken and precious boy from South Africa. I found stories I had written my first year in college, about battles I tried to fight with God and the doubts I had. Losing Berlancia, crying tears over the head of D'jemy as he vomited all over me, uncertainty over the future of my youngest sister. I remember feeling lost, and always questioning in these situations. Was God trustworthy? Could I leave this in His hands? My sister, my future, this child so close to death, another one taken to heaven, those children I loved far across the ocean, my son. I read these stories and I remembered, and it took my breath away.

He has always been trustworthy.    

All my stories didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. Heartache was real and hard. Not all separations ended in reunions. Not all losses were turned to gain. But redemption happened. So many fatherless children are orphans no more. My youngest sister lives with us still. Some things I thought I had lost were things I wasn't mean to have, and my story is more beautiful now because of losing them. Some things I lost were like seeds that had to die to bear fruit. So I proclaim without a doubt in my mind that

He has always known best.   

I don't want to forget. This small box of memories, I don't want to lose it. God has given me countless gifts, redeemed countless broken situations that I had given up for lost. He has done more than I ever imagined back then, in all those nights when I cried out to Him. I wondered at times if He was listening. I am sure now that He always was. His ways are not ours, but oh they are beautiful and good and He is wise and strong and loving.

I, I sit in silence here

I'm filled with wonder once again

I'm overwhelmed by Your beautiful love

Now I, I'm falling to my knees, so grateful for the grace You give

The love I need I've found in you

Lest I forget

All of Your goodness

The blood You have shed

The cross I now remember

Lest I forget