these dying trees

by Alanna

Since 2009, I've missed three autumns in this country. Two I spent in South Africa, and the last in Honduras. There wasn't much of a season change there- not these brilliant colors and falling leaves. In Honduras the daylight hours don't even shift much. Only lots of rain for a time and then not much at all. Things died in both Johannesburg and Catacamas, but they weren't trees and grass. Hard things I had to lay down. Love, desires, attachments, heartache.

Here in our house, things are changing like the seasons. Our marriage duo we are losing in a way, as we welcome new little life any day now. She will make us forever three. Something will be lost and something so beautiful gained. The trees in our front yard are the only red ones in the whole neighborhood. The rest are still green with a few yellow. But ours are brilliant. First yellow, then red, and today a burnt orange. Leaves litter our yard but the view out our window is still full of color.

A dear friend said it in prayer meeting, that the trees make dying look glorious.

I read a blog passed along, about how motherhood is dying to yourself. My friend on the phone reminds me that marriage is too.We get so caught up in what we want, what we need, our own petty desires. Autumn reminds me that life is about dying. It is not easy, and sometimes I'm so reluctant to lay things down. But it is glorious. Not just the beauty of resurrection, not just the flowers of spring, not just the answers I wanted. This dying to yourself is in itself, in a way, glorious. We follow in the footsteps of our Savior, and we are crucified so that He might live in us. We bury our hopes and dreams and sometimes our whole heart at the feet of our King, thankful that He is not just mighty but good. He makes dying worth it.