by Alanna

So, my husband and I love each other lots.  And Jesus loves us both immensely and has blessed us with another baby.  So tiny, just starting to grow in me.  When I first saw those two pink lines I panicked a little bit.  My oldest won't be 2 until October, and we're going to have our third before she turns 2 1/2. I started thinking about how I would have to be strong, to prove to people how it's ok to not "plan" your family, to let God be in control.  Prove to my husband, to myself, to the church, to the world that we are capable of this.  That it's not that crazy.  I brainstormed ways I could plan my days better, be more organized, work harder.

Thankfully, God is working on my heart. And I came to realize something throughout that first day of knowing there was life inside of me.  I don't have to be strong.  I don't have to show the world that I am capable, that my husband and I are perfectly able to manage three kids under 2 1/2.  Because the truth is, we are not capable.  We are just utterly thrilled that the Creator of life is going to entrust another precious child to us.  All I have to do is trust Jesus.  To rejoice.  It's not about working harder or having a clean house or faking smiles every Sunday when my kids have been crazy hard all morning.  It's about rejoicing in Jesus and trusting Him.  I want to be real.  I want to be honest.  We are utterly incapable, broken sinners who are so in need of a Savior.  We are not perfect parents now, and when our third one comes along, we will be just as inadequate to the task.

So tonight I am happy.  This is just where I want to be. A jar of clay, so that His glory can be shown in me.  I am so excited to see what He will do.  In our weakness, in our joy, in our utter dependence on Him.  Excited to see what missions will look like across the world with a bunch of little ones.  Excited to see His power.  Excited to prove to the world that I can do nothing apart from Him, but with Him we have all we need.   

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."