The month in pictures

July has been busy so far...and pictures seem like the best idea for sharing it all. so here's a little bit of our month...in pictures.

We had company!

My brother and sister-in-law came up from North Carolina and the cousins got to play together...

and played with the puppy...

We did our normal little things, like laundry...

And celebrated the 4th in style

Friends.

when i'm weary

by Alanna

    A few weeks ago, I passed the 15th month mark of leaving South Africa. I also wrote a blog around that time, about staying up all night underneath the stars and watching the sun rise. I wrote that God makes all things new, and that His power and the fact that He is mindful of us, combine to make His love immense and His character trustworthy. I'm sorry that I never posted that blog, but some things are too near to my heart and that sun rise also brought back oceans of memories, dreams of pure hope. 

  Today I'm writing about something else, because it's all that's on my heart right now. I'm weary. I know that God is our strength, and maybe it should grieve me that with all the power of the Creator, I am still so weary I could just lay down on this ground and not get up again. It takes every bit of me to get out of bed in the morning, to continue fighting and surrendering these days. Things are painfully hard, and every time bad news comes and I feel like maybe its time to quit, it seems that God gives me some opposed encouragement to keep going. Sometimes I'm just tired of hoping and struggling to believe, even in the right things. As my dear twin reminded me, we have to hope and believe that God is good and will remain good no matter what the outcome of these circumstances in our lives. But still, we live and move in this world and God asks us to believe crazy things and sometimes to act upon them. Sometimes He entrusts other lives to us, and loving them is like having our heart walk around outside our body, oceans away. I feel worn thin, emotionally exhausted. I don't want this weariness to turn into bitterness in me. If it's all I can do, I would rather lay broken at the feet of Jesus than be far from Him. I've found some rest in these words.

"But I know it is not the sense of His presence,

it is the fact of His presence

that is our strength and stay.

And yet it is comforting when a mother 

makes some little sign or speaks some little world

to a child who does not see her. 

And when our Father deals so tenderly with us, 

then we are very humbly grateful 

and we store such memories in our heart. 

And when there is not any feeling we rest on 

His bare word, 

'Lo, I am with you always, all the days, 

and all day long,' 

and are content."

"Thus says the Lord, the Holy One of Israel, and his Maker: 

"Ask Me about the things to come concerning My sons, 

and you shall commit to Me the works of My hands. 

It is I who made the earth, and created man upon it. 

I stretched out the heavens with My hands, 

and ordained all their host....

My purpose will be established, 

and I will accomplish all My good pleasure." 

"Has He said, and will He not do it? 

Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?"

"He gives strength to the weary."

    

tuesdays with mom: featuring anna

(today we're swapping blogs with my dear friend anna marie. you can read my post at glittersmallworld.blogspot.com, after reading hers here)

there aren't enough moments in the day to think about lucas.

i try to accomplish things,

small things like brushing my teeth,

bigger things like projects at work,

all the while my heart beats his name.

lucas.

lucas.

lucas.

i try to make promises i know aren't real to myself.

you'll be okay.

time will heal old scars.

but i know this isn't true.

my heart knows no time.

and though lucas died three years ago,

he died yesterday

and today

and tomorrow, when i wake up and my mind registers

the brand new light of day,

he'll die again.

he doesn't slip away with time,

doesn't fade out like an old star,

but he sits there in my memory,

brand new,

every morning.

i know that countless orphans die each day.

i know that each one of them deserves a family,

and deserves love.

my heart breaks because i'm here, not there.

i'm a star burning out

i think

i fade as each young life sets too soon.

but the memory of lucas is always there to remind me

that no,

we shine together,

somewhere in that vast amount of sky

and if he doesn't burn out for me,

than i don't burn out for him.

come visit lucas and i over at glitter, small world.

-- 
Anna Guntlisbergen
www.glittersmallworld.blogspot.com

crazy, beautiful life

Sometimes life's a little crazy, isn't it? Sometimes I feel like I'm in a dream. Or a tv show. Somethings just seem like they should belong only to actors and directors and scripts, not my life.

I was talking to Alanna about some of the things going on with our friends here. She told me she'd been praying for us to have community here in Maryland, that she guessed the problems and pain and sticky situations come along with that. So true.

It's been messy. But I'm learning boldness and firm love. And how to appreciate the raw reality of life and relationship and the struggle against flesh and sin and the kingdom of God.

And it's started to break up the apathy I've been feeling in my relationship with God. I guess there's nothing like a little bewilderment, helplessness and a bit of desperation to send you seeking closeness with an all powerful God Who is Love.

I'm so thankful that He doesn't hold grudges for the times I let our friendship slide and fail to give Him His due. So thankful He always takes me back.

this is the day

by Alanna


  This weekend I was blessed to spend in the mountains, with some of my family and friends. We camped near twin lakes, canoed, and hiked a 14er. God was so merciful to us, abundantly above and beyond what I could have imagined. There is a lot of stories from the weekend, a lot of memories made and a lot of things to thank God for. It would be impossible to list them all, but I want to share one thought that God has put on my heart. A few of us were sitting down by the lake, some of us skipping rocks and balancing them to make things. Taking in the view- the tremendous mountains carpeted in green, the waves on the lake, the clouds reflecting the sunset. This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Each day is brand new. Every day for the past thousands of years, God has made it new. To my knowledge, He doesn't recycle. That particular evening was unlike any other. The wind blew this way and that, the clouds made a myriad of different shapes and the sky was this certain shade of blue. The waves rolled on top of each other, the trees grew, the air chilled. I don't want to forget that every day is a gift, because God created today. Today, God created 96 degree weather, the sun beating down and the sky light blue, but still some small clouds that I can see out the porch door. Today, God sent this huge yellow Monarch butterfly to flutter near the window. God created today. And if God creates each day, I believe that each day matters. Nothing is meant to be just 'gotten through', but rather each day is meant to be offered up in praise to the One who created it. He made us to live today, gave us breath in our lungs. I want to live each day in grateful awe that God creates such beauty anew, and I want to spend the moments of these days worshiping the Creator.

Beyond Better Homes and Gardens

By Mary

I used to rarely watch TV. We'd have movie nights sometimes and other than that, it was mostly sports being watched on our television. And I didn't watch those.

Then I got married to a guy who likes TV. A lot. So now I watch more. And mostly, it's sports. Go figure. But I also discovered two little TV stations that are perfect gems in my eyes--Home and Garden Television and the Do It Yourself network. So while I've gotten my education in football, basketball and baseball, my man gets the joy of learning all about other people's design styles, home renovations and decorating tips.

I've always had a thing for interior decorating. I'm amazed by how God has allowed and enabled humans to have the ability to create from His creation and I love to see the way people bring beauty and harmony and comfort and tranquility into a home through a little thought and time and ingenuity. I love to see the creativity and the uniqueness. There are limitless options for creating beauty.

But I have to be careful. I start getting inspired and dreaming and all the creative juices start flowing and I make plans that can't be carried out all at once, if ever. And sometimes I get discontent with my limits. Sometimes I get distracted.

I believe God gives us that piece of our hearts that enjoys creating things lovely to the eye and soul and bringing order from chaos. But it's not all there is to it. My vision for life is supposed to be bigger than a picture from Better Homes and Gardens. And I should never allow any good gift to block my view or slow down my pursuit of the One Who gives so freely.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

victory over sin

by Alanna


  One night I paced up and down my driveway. I can't explain how the lights did it, but when I walked up the driveway, my shadow was solitary, and when I walked back down it split into two. That night I ached to be my solitary shadow, to be one, to be whole-heartedly renouncing sin and running to Jesus. I feel like Paul in the seventh chapter of Romans- 'wretched man that I am! who will set me free from the body of this death?' The last months have been difficult for me, as God has made my depravity so clear to me. I believe what my pastor said last Sunday is true- if it wasn't for the power of God, I'd be that dog returning to its own vomit (2 Peter 2:22). It breaks my heart, that I tolerate sin in my own life. These things that Jesus bled and died to pay for. It breaks my heart that we choose anything over Jesus. It breaks my heart that I don't run as far and as fast as I can from temptation.

  Do we truly believe that God is worthy of our everything? That He owns us, and deserves our full undivided heart? Francis Chan writes that God doesn't want our leftovers, that He'd rather have nothing. I think a lot of it hinges on what we think God is worth. God doesn't need us, He is all-sufficient and all-powerful. But then this God of the universe, crucifies His only Son to redeem us. All this undeserved mercy and grace, poured out through the blood of Jesus. And we dare to choose our own petty lives over Him, to embrace the very sin that He came to free us from. Oh we are wretched indeed! I've come to realize these past months, that every sin is serious. That Jesus didn't have to die just for things like murder and adultery, but for things like hatred and lust and unforgiveness and pride.

 That night pacing my driveway, for some reason my two shadows eventually split into three. Or maybe the third was there all along, I just hadn't noticed it. God doesn't leave us alone here to battle sin, He left us the Spirit. When we truly want Him more than our sin, when we truly count Him worthy, He will help us overcome. It is only through Him that we find power to overcome sin, to run far from the world, to crucify daily our flesh, strength to run after Him. And at His throne, we will find mercy and grace to help in time of need.

i'm like Peter crying

crowing burning my ears

still You come near

You take my hand

and place in my palm an eternal chance

i give You myself

it's all that i have

broken and frail

i'm clay in Your hands

and i'm spinning unconcealed
dizzy on this wheel

for You my Love