endurance and hope

by Alanna

"Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings,

knowing that suffering produces endurance,

and endurance produces character,

and character produces hope,

and hope does not put us to shame,

because God's love has been poured into our hearts

through the Holy Spirit

who has been given to us "

  I had been praying with a friend lately about marriages. Those that seem to be doing well and those that are falling apart or have already chosen divorce. I read these verses around the same time and it made me think about the way we try to escape suffering. Maybe it's a terrible spouse who treats us badly. Maybe it's disease. Maybe it's depression that we can't shake or a bad relationship with a sibling or a church who is broken. Mostly we want to get away from suffering, and will often take the quickest path possible to escape it. And then we feel hopeless. Things will never change. I never noticed this connection that God makes though- suffering producing endurance producing character producing hope. Suffering leading to hope! But only if we choose to endure (and yes, I think that sometimes enduring is a choice if escaping is an option). This is not to say that we should not take medicine or try to make relationships better and stronger.  But I do think we should have in mind to endure. Because I believe that God planned for His people to suffer. And I long for our suffering to produce the fruit of hope.  I want to change my first reaction to suffering. To stop asking God immediately for it to end. But rather to ask Him to grant me endurance, build my character, and produce in me hope. Hope in the midst of suffering is a beautiful thing. Especially hope that does not put us to shame! 

Who's side?

By Mary

It seems like these days, everyone is in such a hurry to gobble up information on a current event, pick who's right and who's wrong and then spew out that opinion whenever possible and argue it till they're blue in the face. 

And I admit, it can be tempting, at least the part about fact gathering and deciding where I stand on something. I'm not saying it's entirely unhealthy. But it does seem like we're almost desperate to figure out what should have happened in a given instance. We want to analyze and say, there! that's who was wrong here, this is what could have prevented that tragedy there, and boy if everybody would just see it the way I do, we wouldn't have this kind of problem anymore. If it had been me, it would have been ok. Because I can see clear as day that the problem is__. Racism. Lack of respect for authority. Bad parenting. Neglect. Sexism. Broken families. Abuse. Entitlement. If people would do as I do, it would all be taken care of. Under control.

Except it's just not true.

Being better educated and making better choices will not bring life under our sphere of control. Not even if we get everyone else on the same page as us. We will not be fully capable of keeping bad things from happening to our children, protect the innocent, or do away with ugly prejudices.

And the thing is, the problem is not kids growing up without a dad, not racism, not lack of discipline. That's all just the symptoms of a sin-sick world. Patching it up, even with something like "love one another" or "do unto others as you would have others do unto you" or "submit yourselves to authorities" will still fail to take away the sin. It's people's hearts that need the transformation, not just their actions.

And that goes for our hearts, the ones that have trusted and believed and been bought with a price. Our hearts need to be transforming and not conforming. We need to remember our own fallibility before we start sifting through often conflicting stories and picking apart the actions of others to find out who's right and who's wrong.

It's not that right and wrong are usually so difficult to determine...it's just that more than likely in any given instance, a person is going to be both. To some degree, they're probably right and wrong at the same time. You can even be right the wrong way, which makes it even stickier. Extremely rarely am I ever correcting one of my children without also needing to address the behavior of the other. And more and more I'm realizing that God has probably seen that to be the case for me as well in my interactions with family, friends, strangers. 

It brings to mind the lyric from Beauty and the Beast "Bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong." Sometimes the thing I've been doing forever with perfect ease of conscience is the very thing that suddenly is so glaringly wrong.

And so I think it's very likely that I (and those around me) would be better off if I didn't have the perfect argument for the perfect opinion on every hot button issue but rather decided to know nothing except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. When it comes to choosing sides, I want to remember Joshua 5:13-14--

"Now it came about when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing opposite him with his sword drawn in his hand, and Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us or for our adversaries?” He said, “No; rather I indeed come now as captain of the host of the Lord.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and bowed down, and said to him, “What has my lord to say to his servant?” "

Let's choose God's side.

Hurried

By Mary

I was listening to a song on a Christian radio station here, one that plays a lot, about the pressure of fast paced life, trying to squeeze as much as you can out of the day, always feeling behind. And I thought (with maybe a teensy bit of smugness) how happy I am that I don't live life like that, that I don't need the reminder found in that song to slow down, just breathe.

I do think my mom taught me to value a less hectic schedule than is average nowadays, at least in America. It seems like most think the more activities are packed into your week, the better you're doing, the more successful, impactful and accomplished you are. And maybe that last one is true, maybe I don't accomplish as much as many people. But it's just as important to evaluate what exactly you're accomplishing, and what that accomplishment is worth. It's easy to do things, or at least it's generally pretty straightforward. But people, relationships...they're more complicated. And not so easy to cross off your to-do list with that sense of success.

It was while I was thinking about these things that I realized that, while I may not keep a full-to-bursting structured schedule, I have my moments every day where I still get caught up in the rush and the drive to accomplish and do more. So often I forget to slow down a minute and look in my child's eye while they talk to me, instead of listening half turned away while I multi-task. Or I let the thoughts run rampant through my head while my husband is telling me about his day-my mental list of the things I still have to do, trying to formulate my opinion on a current event, or composing my response to something a friend wrote-instead of reigning them all in and being in the moment of here and now. There are so few times that I really can't spare a few extra seconds to make someone know they are valued and to enjoy these moments of life that are so quickly gone.

So I guess its good for me to hear the reminder too, as I learn daily to live less hurried, to savor the moment that is all we ever have-and to spend the moments wisely, on things that will last.

Victim of Circumstance

By Mary

I've been reading the book Lies Women Believe And the Truth That Sets Them Free, and I just came across the most convicting portion to me so far--about buying into the lie "If my circumstances were different, I'd be different."

In this section of the book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes:

 "We are saying, 'Someone or something made me the way I am.' We feel that if our circumstances were different-our upbringing, our environment, the people around us-we would be different. We would be more patient, more loving, more content, easier to live with.
 If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that's just what the Enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren't responsible-we can't help the way we are. But God says we are responsible-not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives.
 The Truth is, our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are."

The events of our lives and the people populating it shouldn't define us. When life presses and pushes, we can be molded evermore into Christ's image-if only we make the choice not to be victims of circumstance, but rather victors through Him Who loves us.

by Alanna

So, my husband and I love each other lots.  And Jesus loves us both immensely and has blessed us with another baby.  So tiny, just starting to grow in me.  When I first saw those two pink lines I panicked a little bit.  My oldest won't be 2 until October, and we're going to have our third before she turns 2 1/2. I started thinking about how I would have to be strong, to prove to people how it's ok to not "plan" your family, to let God be in control.  Prove to my husband, to myself, to the church, to the world that we are capable of this.  That it's not that crazy.  I brainstormed ways I could plan my days better, be more organized, work harder.

Thankfully, God is working on my heart. And I came to realize something throughout that first day of knowing there was life inside of me.  I don't have to be strong.  I don't have to show the world that I am capable, that my husband and I are perfectly able to manage three kids under 2 1/2.  Because the truth is, we are not capable.  We are just utterly thrilled that the Creator of life is going to entrust another precious child to us.  All I have to do is trust Jesus.  To rejoice.  It's not about working harder or having a clean house or faking smiles every Sunday when my kids have been crazy hard all morning.  It's about rejoicing in Jesus and trusting Him.  I want to be real.  I want to be honest.  We are utterly incapable, broken sinners who are so in need of a Savior.  We are not perfect parents now, and when our third one comes along, we will be just as inadequate to the task.

So tonight I am happy.  This is just where I want to be. A jar of clay, so that His glory can be shown in me.  I am so excited to see what He will do.  In our weakness, in our joy, in our utter dependence on Him.  Excited to see what missions will look like across the world with a bunch of little ones.  Excited to see His power.  Excited to prove to the world that I can do nothing apart from Him, but with Him we have all we need.   

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."       

Great Expectations

By Mary

I've always heard that having expectations can kill a relationship...or at least put a strain on it. And if my experience is any indication, this has less to do with the expectations themselves being wrong or unrealistic, and more to do with harboring a sense of entitlement for my expectations to be fulfilled.

In my head, these expectations are always formed beginning with "I need". Some mornings I wake up thinking "I need a nap today" (ok, maybe that's not a completely realistic expectation with three kids four and under) and I keep that thought in my head all morning till nap time rolls around...and then the baby wakes up hungry just as I'm dozing off. Or my oldest doesn't fall asleep at all that day. And I feel frustrated and resentful and robbed on top of already being sleepy.

On the flip side, I can wake up totally exhausted but just set to work doing what needs to be done and never have I actually dropped down dead before I could at least close my eyes for the few minutes I truly needed.

Because it's not so much expectations that are the issue-it's my reaction, whether they're met or unmet. For there's opportunity for sanctification in either situation-do I receive my wishes fulfilled with gratitude or smug selfishness? Do I meet let-downs in a way that would please my God?

I've tried to let go of calling a day "bad". It might have been less than ideal, multiple times. There might have been difficulties and annoyances, for sure. In the past (and ok, let me admit it, I broke down and did it in my head today) I've tended to write the whole day as bad, just because the kids seemed to be wearing ear plugs when it came to my instructions and acted like they had signs on each other's backs saying "please do everything you can today to annoy me".

I want my expectations to be less and less about me getting whatever it may be from whoever it may be and more and more about me growing and giving and learning and teaching, whatever the day may bring.

To end, I'll leave you with these inspirational words I stumbled across recently--

carried

by Alanna

They are redoing one of the parking lot sections at our prayer meeting clubhouse. So I had to park far away, and I opted for the baby without the car seat as he's far easier to take that way.  Afterward, I carried him in my arms over a grassy hill.  He was oh so sleepy and rested his whole body against mine.  Trusting, small, confident.  The wind blew and it was a little cold; men were talking loudly nearby; he didn't know where we were going and he didn't care.  He was in his mommy's arms.  I remembered another little boy snuggled against me.  I haven't set foot in that country of his birth in over 5 years now.  Sometimes it feels like forever, but then this weight of my other baby boy pulls me back to that place.  Walking the dirt path back up from preschool with his tired body heavy in my arms.  I want to be carried that way.  So often I beg God to know where He's taking me.  If this wind will stop blowing, and if it will then when?  I try to push away from Him so I can tell Him how I want this walk to look.  I'm tired and weary but when will I be weary enough to realize that His burden is light?  I want to be carried by Jesus, to lay my head heavy on His shoulder and believe that He is trustworthy.  Believe it in my heart and not just in my head.

You will be safe in His arms....
The hands that hold the world
are holding Your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms.