lessons in the quiet

by Alanna

I think a lot these days about being back in America. There many things await- a couch, a mixing bowl, a big spoon for stirring, a microwave, a blender, an oven. (I'm counting down the Saturdays of scrubbing clothes in the Pila). More important things are in America too- our church, our families.

We live in such solitude here. Other than work, we only really interact with each other. We walk everywhere together, but it doesn't involve relationships. As a married couple I feel it's something we haven't yet had- friendships and ministry and interactions with others, together. It's something in the States that we will have to learn again, have to practice. And I think it will push us outside of our comfort, outside of ourselves.

For the first months we were here, I struggled against this "solitude." I told God it couldn't be His will, for us to have no church and no real friends. To have no other "ministry" (so silly- I see now that these students have been our ministry all along). Then came that word I often forget and always need. "In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength."

This is where He has us. And oh it has been beautiful for my husband and I- to have such time to grow this love he blessed us with. To work things out between us with only Him. To spend countless hours together and still to laugh together. To grow as one.

Perhaps also, God brought me here for something other than working with kids, or being strong and doing great things for Him. Sometimes I think it's so I would learn not to fear the silence. To cherish quiet times alone. To seek Him, to do spiritual battle, to intercede. To face my own weakness and doubt, and to find solace not in a friend's shoulder or my mom's words of wisdom, but only in Him. Many times I have ached for someone to share my heart with, and He is near.

I'm thankful because this is where He has me. Blessed with time, blessed with a husband to grow with. A husband who points me to lean heavier on God than on him. Blessed with a God who is my Father, a Savior who is my friend, a rock and a refuge.

I hope when we go home we will learn new things and be used in more ways. But I hope that we will be more dependent on God and more unified for our time in this place.