precious child

by Alanna [written on May 19th]

Dear one of my heart,

It is the eve of your birthday.
I write, as always, words you will never read,
an ocean away from you.
Tomorrow I feel is not an ordinary birthday for you.
5 years seems more of a miracle when I remember
your first months.
You struggled and fought for life,
and at least one momma of yours beat loud on heaven's door
pleading for you.
You have always been a miracle, precious one.

(Someone gave me a mother's day gift today, and said in Spanish that it was for the one I will soon have. But I knew, and the words caught in my throat and never came out, like always. 'I already have one, and he's turning 5 tomorrow).

You are a gift.
My heart aches with loving you.
Tonight memories come to me.
Memories of rocking you against my chest.
Of sharing chocolate with you on the doorstep of the cottage.
Of taking you to the zoo and the way you started saying new words
in your sure quiet voice,
as if it were so easy.
But I laughed in delight and amazement and wanted everyone to know.
The way you kept your 2 fingers in your mouth,
and smiled through them when I came to get you.
The way you laughed so hard and tottered as you ran.
All I have tonight is memories.

Memories and hopes and prayers for you now.
I pray God calls you like Samuel- young and unmistakable.
That you are an honest, humble, obedient, joyful boy.
That His joy finds you and fills you and pours out of you.

He has been so faithful to you,
and I'm convinced that He will continue to do good things in your life.
I thank God for you tonight.
I wish you a happy birthday tomorrow,
and pray that you begin to understand how very blessed you are.
I love you always.
With all my heart.