Tuesday, April 10, 2012

By Mary

When I was little, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a wife and a mommy (ok my first choice was to always live with my own mommy. So it was my second pick)

Here I am, twenty years old, married, with my baby playing on the floor next to me. Goals met, desires fulfilled, oh so blessed. I’ve got what I always wanted sooner than I ever dreamed. And occasionally I stop and ask myself, what now? Contentment is good, right? And mostly I am. God has more or less dropped all my dreams right in my lap. But shouldn’t I pursue something, look ahead to something. Should I let life just be?

There are moments still when my heart aches over memories past, wishing they could be again. Not to go back but to go forward, not to relive them but experience similar ones. Someday…maybe someday. Maybe someday we’ll be back in Colorado and I’ll have some more late nights with the dearest people in the world.

Maybe someday we’ll have more kids. A house we won’t leave behind every couple of years. Maybe we can work in another country together beyond the typical mission trip.
But are these the things I should work towards?

And then I remember something about contentment…when it comes with Godliness, it is great gain. And isn’t that the point really? Being like Him, glorifying Him? It supersedes every other goal and goes beyond all other achievements—marriage, career, college, motherhood, fatherhood, service—because it’s in all those things. That call is in every moment of every one of my days. When the sun is bright and Nick and I play on the floor with Gianna and her smiles flood without coaxing. When I’m lonely for life where I grew up or miss the sweet faces and voices I loved in South Africa. When I’m alone or with a crowd, busy or bored--from the moment I was first His until always and forever.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

By Mary

Sometimes this blog sits in the back of my mind, hauntingly reminding me that blogs are generally meant to be updated occasionally and that I'm nowhere near to living up to the once a week posting Alanna and I said we'd each do almost two years ago [Two years--where does the time go? It flies right by, even through those moments that seem to drag on and on while you live them]

So I sit down to write, open a new post in one tab...and then open a few more, killing time, waiting for words to come. I read a different blog, hoping for inspiration only to decide that people should probably just read other blogs anyways.

My baby is in her bed [finally in her own room], my dog is breathing deep at the foot of the bed, dreaming puppy dreams. My husband is spending the week in Hawaii, on business, and Friday can't come soon enough for me.

And me, I sit staring at the screen with only this much written and nothing more waiting in the wings. So I guess for tonight at least this is it [at least I can say I posted, right? =)]