Friday, August 18, 2017


by Alanna

My daughter said this with excitement tonight. Minnesota-apolis. The place we now live. North Minnesota-apolis to be exact.  We've been splitting our days and nights pretty equally between our new house and a new friend's house.  We don't have any furniture out except beds and a table, and haven't unpacked more than a couple boxes yet. The rest sit in our garage, in various states of disarray from me rummaging through them to find things. One thing I rummage a lot for is warmer clothes! It's been raining nearly every day here, and I'm overjoyed when I see the sun.  My husband already put new floors in our main level (tore up carpet, sanded and refinished the hardwood) and this week he is painting.  So he's working long hours and me too but in a different way.

Our middle one is having a hard time these days, stretching my limits as a mama. Today was just a typical day, other than a prolonged headache that has stretched past 24 hours now.  My two year old came upstairs with her hand all poopy, saying "umm I think it's dirt....or maybe poop." Why did she stick her hand in her pants? She seemed as surprised as me- she didn't know there was poop in there! After baths for both the toddlers, my one year old walked through the hallway peeing on the floor and laughing. I will also have to find some clean towels in this house that isn't mine, because I've used them all up today cleaning milk and water spills from the floor.  I was impatient today. I see it so much in me lately, my self rearing its ugly head.  Lack of compassion and love for my kids.  Today I told God that I actually can't do this. I actually can't take care of 3 kids under 3 by myself. Let alone in a strange place far away from all we've known, with no sunshine.  But I remember and hold on to this that someone told me once- God is not surprised by my failures as a mother.  He gave these children to me, and He knew exactly the kind of mom I would be.  This is not to say that I don't want to grow. I want so much for Jesus to give me His heart for my children.  His love, His patience, His compassion.  I want to listen to them the way He listens to me.  To love them the way He does.  I am crying out desperately for this. 

Dinner dishes await me, and an application for medical insurance here.  Hoping to write again soon more about life in Minneapolis and the things that God is doing here.  I can become too focused sometime on my own struggles and forget the big picture of His glory. Because of Him we have much hope.