seen at burger king

by Alanna

Yesterday I left the house just after 3 p.m., planning to take the kids to the Dr just for shots, then pick up some elderberry syrup and stop at 2 stores quick on the way home. Thought we'd be home for a late dinner. There was soup in the crockpot and bread in the breadmaker, and my husband was working til late.  I have been having some anxiety lately with driving, feeling like I'm going to crash or my car is suddenly going to fall apart. Anyway, shortly after I got on the highway I noticed that my car windows were fogging up. I tried defrost, and though it blew air out, it didn't seem to  help with the fog. The dr. took so much longer than I thought it would, and by the time we came out it was almost 5 p.m. and pitch black out. Then I got lost trying to find the elderberry syrup ladies house, and it was so late by the time we were done there. All the time my windows were so foggy. My google maps said it would take 44 minutes to get home, not counting store stops.  The baby was crying so much from all his shots and being hungry, and Isabella asked if we were going to go to a restaurant instead of home.  I told her if we saw one we'd stop, and if not we'd press on. But coming out of the neighborhood there was a Burger King on the corner! I traipsed in there with my foursome. I carried the baby and my oldest and third walked stiff-legged from their shots. Samuel hadn't gotten any, but he was sick with a pretty high fever, and it wasn't long til he was laying on the bench at our table. I was so thankful to find they had dollar hamburgers, and bought us all some. But I was wrestling a little, fighting with these thoughts that I am a failure because I am buying my kids unhealthy fast food when there is healthy soup sitting at home untouched. Maybe I should've gone home right away when I saw my windows were foggy. I had no idea how we were going to make it home in the dark, and we were far from home. I shouldn't have taken my feverish son out on errands. 

 

I feel like God gave me lots of grace to fight those thoughts and to trust Him, but it was a battle. Then halfway through our dinner, just after my one year old finished throwing a temper tantrum because I made him finish his meat before he had more bun, a lady walked over to me. She pressed two twenty dollar bills into my hand and whispered, "My husband wants to pay for your dinner." Then they left together, smiling and wishing us happy holidays. I was so taken aback by their generosity, and most of all so amazed at God's love for me in that moment. It was His reassurance to me that He knew right where I was. We were not alone, God was always providing, always caring for us. He would see us through. After we ordered more food for the third time, the employee threw in an extra 10 chicken nuggets for us  too. God lavished His grace on us. I praised God that He saw us, and that He reminded me that He sees. 

Long story short, we made it home 3 and a half hours after we'd left the house. Thanks to advice from my dad, gas station paper towels, paper towels from another store, and several stops to wipe down the inside of the car windows, we were back in our warm house just in time for bedtime. Yonas got off work earlier than I thought and got home 10 minutes after us, just in time to help roll sleepy kids into bed. 

Here's to evidences of His grace.

Jesus' authority and my days

by Alanna

Reading slowly through Matthew recently reminded me of the authority that Jesus really demonstrated when He was on earth. He blatantly shows His authority to the Pharisees when He heals a paralytic after first forgiving his sins. He has power over all kinds of sickness and disease, over demons, over all of natural creation, over death itself. Authority to forgive sins, to effectively call people to follow Him.  He speaks with authority.

I want to rest in that in my days. I worry so much about the impact (or usually lack thereof) that I am making in the world and in my own small space. Maybe I am just a mom with a million daily decisions to make, or maybe I am losing my mind. But this week I have felt particularly acutely the rising panic that maybe I should be doing something different than what I am doing. Maybe I am missing whoever God wants me to minister to today. Maybe I should be reading the kids books instead of doing the dishes. Maybe we should be staying home and resting instead of driving to the grocery store. Maybe I should just be buying tortillas instead of making them at home today. Maybe I should somehow be making better use of this time that God has given me. Maybe all of it is pointless anyway. This line of thinking is frightening and leaves me feeling guilty at best. Guilty for whatever I'm doing or not doing or could be doing better.

There are probably a myriad of reasons why I struggle this way. But one thing I want to hold on to and rest in tonight is the authority of Jesus. He is my LORD. I don't really know what that looks like or what He wants me to do most of the time, but I do believe that somehow He's in control of all of this. He has authority over any sickness that might plague me, any evil spirits that might wage warfare against me. He has authority over the weather, the snow and the cold and even raining ice. He has authority over our family, over our children. Authority to calm these storms with just a word.

I have to believe that this compassionate King is not ridiculing me each time I fall. Is not questioning and pouring guilt on me when I decide to make taco salad instead of burritos for dinner. It seems so dumb and insignificant, but somehow it gives me a great peace to know that He is the authority. He, so often "moved with pity" for the frailty of man.  I want to make decisions from this place.  Freedom and not guilt. Knowing that He is ultimately in charge. I want to rest in that tonight.