Sunday, September 23, 2012

entrusting my heart to Him

by Alanna

    For many years now, as long as I can remember actually, I have wanted two big things to comprise my future. These are things that are deep rooted inside of me, and things that I believe that God put inside of me for a reason. The first is to be living in a third world country and caring for orphans. I want to love them with all of me, to tell them about Jesus who gave His very life to redeem them. I have always wanted to be a missionary, and that desire has only been confirmed and strengthened in me over the years. The second thing I've always wanted was to be a wife and a mom. I wanted to be able to love someone, to spend the rest of my days serving God with somebody else, loving children of our own. Some people have told me that this isn't possible, to have both of these dreams. And sometimes I've wondered, because being a wife means submitting to someone else's dreams and the leading of God in their life. But then, God is strong and wise and loving and He can reconcile these things. So now I am praying about marriage with someone in particular, a man who loves Jesus and has deep on his heart to be a pastor in the third world. It's scary in a way, so crazy how fast life changes and its scary to trust God with this huge part of me. But it is also so crazy exciting because God has so evidently been the Orchestrator of this. He has always been faithful, so utterly worthy of my trust and praise and of the keeping of my heart. And one thing that I am sure of- that the God who puts dreams inside of our hearts, who gives us good desires- He gives them for a reason. I am so thankful to Him for His love and goodness and the blessings that He gives, to us so undeserving.

Monday, September 10, 2012


...I think living selflessly is draining. 
And then I realize maybe I'm just acting selflessly 
with a selfish heart.