the days to come

 by Alanna

Tomorrow my mom will fly home, and about a week afterward my brother will go too. My husband and I will be the team that keeps on here, in this place where God has sovereignly placed us. This morning I cried for a moment because I am anxious when I look forward. How will we take on all of these responsibilities? How do I start daily caring for 6 small people age 7 and under? Homeschooling, laundry, meals, cleaning, heart shepherding, changing nappies, doctor appointments. How will my husband hold up with full time seminary, part time work, and all that he does here morning and evening and all his spare time devoted to his children and me? I fear sin conquering me in these long days to come. I fear my impatience and my temper and my murmuring and my discontentment.  The Lord knows. 

He is a God who sees. He saw Hagar and called to her, not the once but twice. And He opened her eyes too- to see the well of water that was already there. "Fear not...up! Lift up the boy, and hold him fast with your hand, for I will make him into a great nation." (Genesis 21:18)

He is a God who multiplies. Broken fragments of bread, totally insufficient. ("There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are they for so many?" John 6:9) In His hands, fragments become baskets of excess.

He is a God who is with me. "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

He is the bread of life, the living water, the One from whom when we drink we will never thirst again. 

He is the light of the world. Those who follow Him will not walk in darkness. Those who hope in Him will never be put to shame. 

He is a promise keeper. "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." He is able. 

I may lack what I need. Energy, strength, patience, love, time. But I will not lack Him. And in Him is everything. My sufficiency. His name is a strong tower. He is enough. Not just today in my quiet house while the baby sleeps, but in a month when two are fighting and three are hungry and one poops up his back and the other needs a nap. When I feel sucked dry, He will be enough. 

newborn days

 by Alanna

Our son Obadiah was born in the wee hours of the morning, one day at the end of August. My heart overflows when I think about the miracle of another life born into our family. Our 6th child, our 5th son. Feels like we had just one baby girl, I blinked. And now a house that teems with small voices, small thundering feet, little hands reaching around my neck. I love these days. Especially the first ones, when everyone comes to snuggle on my bed and has to take turns holding "our new baby." 

It's the days when I am okay with resting and I spend hours nursing this new little person. I have time, time to see the other kids and be reminded again of the unique and incredible gift that each one is to us. I marvel at the gift of my husband and the sacrifices he makes to clean the house and move along endless laundry loads and keep the other five stomachs fed. It's no small feat. And even in these long tiring days for him, he is kind to me and extends grace. Friends take the kids to the park, to their house, to play and I get hours of baby snuggles and naps. It is a time for me to marvel. A time for me to worship Jesus who gave me all these gifts. 

So thankful for my mom who comes and makes this all look too easy. Feeding littles, homeschooling, changing nappies, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning out the fridge and the microwave and the stove. Her quiet spirit is a beautiful treasure and it exhorts me to quiet mine. So thankful for the gift of my brother. Who takes out the trash quietly and doesn't complain when I used up all the eggs. Who hustles the kids out the door this morning for their nature day so I can have time to rest again. 

Thank you Jesus. I don't take this for granted. These six healthy babies, six easy labors and deliveries with no complications. This hasn't been our doing. It takes three to make a baby, and every one has been a gift from our good Father. My heart overflows with love for them. Thank you Jesus. I feel this deeply today from Samuel Rutherford- 

"Oh, if the heaven, and the heaven of heavens, were paper, 
and the sea ink,
and the multitude of mountains pens of brass,
and I able to write that paper, within and without,
 full of the praises of my fairest, my dearest,
my loveliest, my sweetest, my matchless,
and my most marrowless and marvelous Well-beloved!"