Saturday, November 30, 2013

marriage

by Alanna

5 months and 5 days ago I got married to this wonderful man. I never blogged much about our wedding, or about marriage since. I hope that God is glorified through whatever little testimony I write here now about our first five months of wedded life.

Our wedding was a joy! Friends and family blessed us by helping and rejoicing with us. We had a potluck wedding celebration with dancing and even a swing lesson given by my dear cousin. Cliche or not, it was the happiest day of my life so far. I'm not sure how this man found me, although I credit it to God's good planning. He gives such good things to His children.



I always hoped that after we got married, we would be a picture of Christ and His church. The church trusting, submitting, serving. Christ loving, laying down His life. I prayed about being a submissive wife, prayed to trust Yonas no matter where God led Him. What I never guessed was how much, within our marriage, I myself would be shown a picture of Christ's love for us. Frail little me, crying for a boy I left in Africa, held up by these strong arms. Clumsy me, breaking all 3 of our glasses here in our first month, treated with patience and kindness. I've focused too much on myself all my life, making me question the love of anybody else. Now, when I run circles in my mind trying to untangle lies, this man reminds me not to think too hard. He makes me laugh, he lets me cry, he teases me unmercifully and I like it. When I'm overwhelmed at school, he comes to help bear my burdens- rewriting all my grades, singing songs with my 1st graders.  He is to me a tangible demonstration of Christ's love toward us. He is not perfect, and neither is our marriage. We are all broken people here, battling sin in us. But these days I rejoice, because God is such a good Father, and He gave me this man to love me with His love. I'm such a blessed girl. And this grace, so undeserved, poured out to us all every day, it makes me sing praises to the King =)



Tuesday, November 12, 2013

He sees me

by Alanna

Yesterday we had such a good day in 1st grade. I felt like the kids were listening, perhaps even learning. I took time to solve small problems, to encourage kindness in individuals. I stopped to give hugs and dry tears. God answered my prayers and He worked through me. The boys didn't fight in recess, and my previously worst behaved student was a dream. (Any patience I ever possess is only from Him.) Four of my students were also absent yesterday, including 2 of my wilder ones. (Leaving me with only 16).

Today 1st grade was so difficult again. All 20 students arrived, full of energy. I lost my temper and they noticed. A sweet boy in the front row correctly pointed out, "Mrs. Hailu esta enojarada." I was alone all afternoon, as my assistants are busy decorating for our next big holiday here. I got so frustrated and once again wondered why did I ever want to work with kids?

I think I realized a big part of my problem today. I look at the class. I hear 20 voices calling my name, feel 10 hands pulling at me, see 5 kids talking as I'm trying to explain place value. The better days are when I see individuals. But there's too many of them my flesh complains. I subbed for 2nd grade last week, with just 8 quiet girls and 2 quiet boys. God, if there was just only 15 of them, I could manage. But no, this is where God has me. God put each of those 20 kids in my class for a reason. I think that this is what He wants of me. Teach this one boy how to subtract. Praise this energetic boy for waiting patiently. Stop class to hug that one girl who always cries because she has a headache.

There are billions of people in the world. God sees individuals. Christ died for individuals. It makes me want to weep with joy and awe. I'm frail little me though. I can't love individuals the way He does.  Does He expect me to do the impossible? I don't possess infinite patience, omniscience, never-ending supplies of love. But He does. His love never runs dry, so I'm asking Him for it tonight.

Abounding love of this sort is our great need.
Such love is always looking out for chances 
to do loving things.
It runs the second mile as a matter of course, 
for it is continually doing more than it need.
Let us pray that this love may abound 
more and more in us.
God is love, and 
we can never draw too much upon Him. 
That sea will never run dry.
(Amy Carmichael)

      

Sunday, November 10, 2013

 November 3rd, 2013
by Alanna

Today Yonas and I are at a new church, as he is practicing music this afternoon with some young people and our school's music teacher. I think he is helping them prepare for a special service, but with our limited Spanish, neither of us are exactly sure. (Note: Turns out that church service began shortly after I finished writing this blog in my notebook. Yonas was up there on stage with his guitar so he just became part of the worship team. We laughed hard about it later and were reminded that Honduras = flexibility)

As usual on the weekends, I'm waging small battles in my mind. Why are we here? Why always so busy? Why haven't we found a good church, good fellowship yet? Me, me, me, always struggling to rise. He is stronger than all this, and He puts songs of rejoicing in my mouth. This is part of why I practice gratitude. Because gratitude kills the me in me. It acknowledges that He is what life is about. To give Him glory is to know joy. They sing this song here, 

"Recibe toda la gloria, recibe toda la honra, 
precioso Hijo de Dois." 

 It's that He would receive all the glory and the honor. Amazingly, in part, through my thanksgiving. So this afternoon, I practice dying to me and in giving thanks, gaining happiness. Through Him glorified.

Thank You, Father, for....
1) random Christians expressing glad welcome to us
2) the music teacher's generosity
3) the way music crosses language barriers
4) patient people talking to me in Spanish
5) my little friend Carlos Roberto
6) being trusted to give my husband haircuts
7) seeing people learn new things
8) walking with my husband and coming upon a random plaza
9) a big disused fountain with mysterious steps leading underneath
10) supportive parents of 1st graders
11) adoption
12) the order of red plastic chairs in rows
13) ceiling fans
14) Honduran sunshine
15) close mountains carpeted green
16) good ice cream for 25 lempiras ($1.25)
17) tree branches covered in moss and stretching far over our heads
18) God creative
19) the gift of communion with Him
20) the Psalms

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Counting it All Joy

By Mary

It's November and a lot of my Facebook friends are taking the time to list something they're thankful for every day of the month. I like seeing their lists...it makes me feel like people are taking the time to enjoy the season of Thanksgiving, instead of just skipping straight from costumes and candy into lights and presents with a quick pit-stop on Turkey Day.

It happens that in our little women's study group, we've been going through the book One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. I've read it a little over two years ago and it seems to fresh but at the same time I think some of the principles and perspectives that God taught me through it the first time are fairly well cemented in my life and it leaves me free to dig a little deeper in some ways.

And I've realized my serious lack of thankfulness in hard places of my marriage. I can do it for everything else when I set myself to it--every difficult thing as a mom, a friend, anything. But I'm so reluctant to give God thanks at times when our relationship isn't what it should be (and maybe also the times when it's just not what I want it to be)

I think part of my problem is, I've stopped viewing my life in it's entirety as my job. If I'm God's ambassador, God's steward, I'm on the clock all the time. I get to thinking I'm supposed to have breaks where life becomes about me, not Him, His will, His ways. In my other roles in life I think I do better with self-sacrifice, remember to minister and forget expectations, while as a wife I've allowed myself to be demanding. And I justify it at first--I am after all only wanting God's plan, right? The way He wants it to be, right? I don't see this habit of dissatisfaction creeping in until it hits me one day that I've completely lost sight of the wonderful person my husband is, and is towards me. If there's anybody standing in the way of what should be in our relationship, it's me.

I  catch myself thinking "be thankful? For what? Why be thankful about this frustration and that annoyance, about now?" But really the question is, "why not be thankful?" Do I really think there's a better alternative? That irritability, bitterness or anything else is going to do anything for me besides turning me into a person that I don't even want to have to be around?

"You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies - though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet God's beloved children curse it because they do not know what it is" (-Jean-Pierre de Caussade)

I don't think James was simply being poetic or inspirational when he said "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds". I think Paul was pretty literal when he instructed "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you". And I'm learning (again and again and again) that it's really the only way I want to live.