Yesterday we had such a good day in 1st grade. I felt like the kids were listening, perhaps even learning. I took time to solve small problems, to encourage kindness in individuals. I stopped to give hugs and dry tears. God answered my prayers and He worked through me. The boys didn't fight in recess, and my previously worst behaved student was a dream. (Any patience I ever possess is only from Him.) Four of my students were also absent yesterday, including 2 of my wilder ones. (Leaving me with only 16).
Today 1st grade was so difficult again. All 20 students arrived, full of energy. I lost my temper and they noticed. A sweet boy in the front row correctly pointed out, "Mrs. Hailu esta enojarada." I was alone all afternoon, as my assistants are busy decorating for our next big holiday here. I got so frustrated and once again wondered why did I ever want to work with kids?
I think I realized a big part of my problem today. I look at the class. I hear 20 voices calling my name, feel 10 hands pulling at me, see 5 kids talking as I'm trying to explain place value. The better days are when I see individuals. But there's too many of them my flesh complains. I subbed for 2nd grade last week, with just 8 quiet girls and 2 quiet boys. God, if there was just only 15 of them, I could manage. But no, this is where God has me. God put each of those 20 kids in my class for a reason. I think that this is what He wants of me. Teach this one boy how to subtract. Praise this energetic boy for waiting patiently. Stop class to hug that one girl who always cries because she has a headache.
There are billions of people in the world. God sees individuals. Christ died for individuals. It makes me want to weep with joy and awe. I'm frail little me though. I can't love individuals the way He does. Does He expect me to do the impossible? I don't possess infinite patience, omniscience, never-ending supplies of love. But He does. His love never runs dry, so I'm asking Him for it tonight.
Abounding love of this sort is our great need.
Such love is always looking out for chances
to do loving things.
It runs the second mile as a matter of course,
for it is continually doing more than it need.
Let us pray that this love may abound
more and more in us.
God is love, and
we can never draw too much upon Him.
That sea will never run dry.
(Amy Carmichael)
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