Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Jesus' authority and my days

by Alanna

Reading slowly through Matthew recently reminded me of the authority that Jesus really demonstrated when He was on earth. He blatantly shows His authority to the Pharisees when He heals a paralytic after first forgiving his sins. He has power over all kinds of sickness and disease, over demons, over all of natural creation, over death itself. Authority to forgive sins, to effectively call people to follow Him.  He speaks with authority.

I want to rest in that in my days. I worry so much about the impact (or usually lack thereof) that I am making in the world and in my own small space. Maybe I am just a mom with a million daily decisions to make, or maybe I am losing my mind. But this week I have felt particularly acutely the rising panic that maybe I should be doing something different than what I am doing. Maybe I am missing whoever God wants me to minister to today. Maybe I should be reading the kids books instead of doing the dishes. Maybe we should be staying home and resting instead of driving to the grocery store. Maybe I should just be buying tortillas instead of making them at home today. Maybe I should somehow be making better use of this time that God has given me. Maybe all of it is pointless anyway. This line of thinking is frightening and leaves me feeling guilty at best. Guilty for whatever I'm doing or not doing or could be doing better.

There are probably a myriad of reasons why I struggle this way. But one thing I want to hold on to and rest in tonight is the authority of Jesus. He is my LORD. I don't really know what that looks like or what He wants me to do most of the time, but I do believe that somehow He's in control of all of this. He has authority over any sickness that might plague me, any evil spirits that might wage warfare against me. He has authority over the weather, the snow and the cold and even raining ice. He has authority over our family, over our children. Authority to calm these storms with just a word.

I have to believe that this compassionate King is not ridiculing me each time I fall. Is not questioning and pouring guilt on me when I decide to make taco salad instead of burritos for dinner. It seems so dumb and insignificant, but somehow it gives me a great peace to know that He is the authority. He, so often "moved with pity" for the frailty of man.  I want to make decisions from this place.  Freedom and not guilt. Knowing that He is ultimately in charge. I want to rest in that tonight.      

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