our 'rights'

by Alanna

A few weeks ago, I had somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I started to seriously fear the future, panicked, shut down, and then became angry at God for what I was afraid He might do. It boiled down to the simple fact that I didn't trust Him. I didn't trust that He had the best plan for little one. I doubted that He had the best plan for me. For a few days I distracted myself, let my anger simmer, and tried not to think too much. Then I turned on an Otto Koning sermon, in which he talked about surrendering our rights. As he began to talk about his children, and how he had to learn to surrender them, I broke down. I realized that this is what God wanted me to do.

Since that sermon, God has been at work in my heart. I went to visit my dear friend Anna Marie, and we were able to talk about so much and work through so many things that were laying heaviest on my heart. God has been showing me so much, and confirming that truth for me over and over again.

I could blog about a lot of things, but the biggest one to me is that we need to surrender our rights to God. Everyday, multiple times a day, I have to surrender my child to Him. It is so easy to take back our burdens. I have to remind myself that we don't have a 'right' to anything. All is grace, all are gifts given by a good Father. It is time that I began to acknowledge that I have no right to be a mother. It was always a gift. When I surrender this to God, it is freeing to me. It is acknowledging that I have no control over the situation- it is entirely in God's capable, trustworthy hands. I still ask God to fight for little one, but I ask in confidence that He takes good care of what belongs to Him. Grieving, wondering, praying, seeking- it is so much easier when it all involves surrender. Still it is hard for me, everytime. God has been so faithful to me and so near. He gives us the strength to let go of our rights, to lay down low and trust Him. He is so much bigger than we are, so much wiser, so much more compassionate and full of lovingkindness. I ask Him to grant me the grace to surrender, step aside, and watch Him work miracles.