By Mary
I was listening to a song on a Christian radio station here, one that plays a lot, about the pressure of fast paced life, trying to squeeze as much as you can out of the day, always feeling behind. And I thought (with maybe a teensy bit of smugness) how happy I am that I don't live life like that, that I don't need the reminder found in that song to slow down, just breathe.
I do think my mom taught me to value a less hectic schedule than is average nowadays, at least in America. It seems like most think the more activities are packed into your week, the better you're doing, the more successful, impactful and accomplished you are. And maybe that last one is true, maybe I don't accomplish as much as many people. But it's just as important to evaluate what exactly you're accomplishing, and what that accomplishment is worth. It's easy to do things, or at least it's generally pretty straightforward. But people, relationships...they're more complicated. And not so easy to cross off your to-do list with that sense of success.
It was while I was thinking about these things that I realized that, while I may not keep a full-to-bursting structured schedule, I have my moments every day where I still get caught up in the rush and the drive to accomplish and do more. So often I forget to slow down a minute and look in my child's eye while they talk to me, instead of listening half turned away while I multi-task. Or I let the thoughts run rampant through my head while my husband is telling me about his day-my mental list of the things I still have to do, trying to formulate my opinion on a current event, or composing my response to something a friend wrote-instead of reigning them all in and being in the moment of here and now. There are so few times that I really can't spare a few extra seconds to make someone know they are valued and to enjoy these moments of life that are so quickly gone.
So I guess its good for me to hear the reminder too, as I learn daily to live less hurried, to savor the moment that is all we ever have-and to spend the moments wisely, on things that will last.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Victim of Circumstance
By Mary
I've been reading the book Lies Women Believe And the Truth That Sets Them Free, and I just came across the most convicting portion to me so far--about buying into the lie "If my circumstances were different, I'd be different."
In this section of the book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes:
"We are saying, 'Someone or something made me the way I am.' We feel that if our circumstances were different-our upbringing, our environment, the people around us-we would be different. We would be more patient, more loving, more content, easier to live with.
If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that's just what the Enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren't responsible-we can't help the way we are. But God says we are responsible-not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives.
The Truth is, our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are."
The events of our lives and the people populating it shouldn't define us. When life presses and pushes, we can be molded evermore into Christ's image-if only we make the choice not to be victims of circumstance, but rather victors through Him Who loves us.
I've been reading the book Lies Women Believe And the Truth That Sets Them Free, and I just came across the most convicting portion to me so far--about buying into the lie "If my circumstances were different, I'd be different."
In this section of the book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss writes:
"We are saying, 'Someone or something made me the way I am.' We feel that if our circumstances were different-our upbringing, our environment, the people around us-we would be different. We would be more patient, more loving, more content, easier to live with.
If our circumstances make us what we are, then we are all victims. And that's just what the Enemy wants us to believe. Because if we are victims, then we aren't responsible-we can't help the way we are. But God says we are responsible-not for the failures of others, but for our own responses and lives.
The Truth is, our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are."
The events of our lives and the people populating it shouldn't define us. When life presses and pushes, we can be molded evermore into Christ's image-if only we make the choice not to be victims of circumstance, but rather victors through Him Who loves us.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
by Alanna
So, my husband and I love each other lots. And Jesus loves us both immensely and has blessed us with another baby. So tiny, just starting to grow in me. When I first saw those two pink lines I panicked a little bit. My oldest won't be 2 until October, and we're going to have our third before she turns 2 1/2. I started thinking about how I would have to be strong, to prove to people how it's ok to not "plan" your family, to let God be in control. Prove to my husband, to myself, to the church, to the world that we are capable of this. That it's not that crazy. I brainstormed ways I could plan my days better, be more organized, work harder.
Thankfully, God is working on my heart. And I came to realize something throughout that first day of knowing there was life inside of me. I don't have to be strong. I don't have to show the world that I am capable, that my husband and I are perfectly able to manage three kids under 2 1/2. Because the truth is, we are not capable. We are just utterly thrilled that the Creator of life is going to entrust another precious child to us. All I have to do is trust Jesus. To rejoice. It's not about working harder or having a clean house or faking smiles every Sunday when my kids have been crazy hard all morning. It's about rejoicing in Jesus and trusting Him. I want to be real. I want to be honest. We are utterly incapable, broken sinners who are so in need of a Savior. We are not perfect parents now, and when our third one comes along, we will be just as inadequate to the task.
So tonight I am happy. This is just where I want to be. A jar of clay, so that His glory can be shown in me. I am so excited to see what He will do. In our weakness, in our joy, in our utter dependence on Him. Excited to see what missions will look like across the world with a bunch of little ones. Excited to see His power. Excited to prove to the world that I can do nothing apart from Him, but with Him we have all we need.
So, my husband and I love each other lots. And Jesus loves us both immensely and has blessed us with another baby. So tiny, just starting to grow in me. When I first saw those two pink lines I panicked a little bit. My oldest won't be 2 until October, and we're going to have our third before she turns 2 1/2. I started thinking about how I would have to be strong, to prove to people how it's ok to not "plan" your family, to let God be in control. Prove to my husband, to myself, to the church, to the world that we are capable of this. That it's not that crazy. I brainstormed ways I could plan my days better, be more organized, work harder.
Thankfully, God is working on my heart. And I came to realize something throughout that first day of knowing there was life inside of me. I don't have to be strong. I don't have to show the world that I am capable, that my husband and I are perfectly able to manage three kids under 2 1/2. Because the truth is, we are not capable. We are just utterly thrilled that the Creator of life is going to entrust another precious child to us. All I have to do is trust Jesus. To rejoice. It's not about working harder or having a clean house or faking smiles every Sunday when my kids have been crazy hard all morning. It's about rejoicing in Jesus and trusting Him. I want to be real. I want to be honest. We are utterly incapable, broken sinners who are so in need of a Savior. We are not perfect parents now, and when our third one comes along, we will be just as inadequate to the task.
So tonight I am happy. This is just where I want to be. A jar of clay, so that His glory can be shown in me. I am so excited to see what He will do. In our weakness, in our joy, in our utter dependence on Him. Excited to see what missions will look like across the world with a bunch of little ones. Excited to see His power. Excited to prove to the world that I can do nothing apart from Him, but with Him we have all we need.
"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Great Expectations
By Mary
I've always heard that having expectations can kill a relationship...or at least put a strain on it. And if my experience is any indication, this has less to do with the expectations themselves being wrong or unrealistic, and more to do with harboring a sense of entitlement for my expectations to be fulfilled.
In my head, these expectations are always formed beginning with "I need". Some mornings I wake up thinking "I need a nap today" (ok, maybe that's not a completely realistic expectation with three kids four and under) and I keep that thought in my head all morning till nap time rolls around...and then the baby wakes up hungry just as I'm dozing off. Or my oldest doesn't fall asleep at all that day. And I feel frustrated and resentful and robbed on top of already being sleepy.
On the flip side, I can wake up totally exhausted but just set to work doing what needs to be done and never have I actually dropped down dead before I could at least close my eyes for the few minutes I truly needed.
Because it's not so much expectations that are the issue-it's my reaction, whether they're met or unmet. For there's opportunity for sanctification in either situation-do I receive my wishes fulfilled with gratitude or smug selfishness? Do I meet let-downs in a way that would please my God?
I've tried to let go of calling a day "bad". It might have been less than ideal, multiple times. There might have been difficulties and annoyances, for sure. In the past (and ok, let me admit it, I broke down and did it in my head today) I've tended to write the whole day as bad, just because the kids seemed to be wearing ear plugs when it came to my instructions and acted like they had signs on each other's backs saying "please do everything you can today to annoy me".
I want my expectations to be less and less about me getting whatever it may be from whoever it may be and more and more about me growing and giving and learning and teaching, whatever the day may bring.
To end, I'll leave you with these inspirational words I stumbled across recently--
I've always heard that having expectations can kill a relationship...or at least put a strain on it. And if my experience is any indication, this has less to do with the expectations themselves being wrong or unrealistic, and more to do with harboring a sense of entitlement for my expectations to be fulfilled.
In my head, these expectations are always formed beginning with "I need". Some mornings I wake up thinking "I need a nap today" (ok, maybe that's not a completely realistic expectation with three kids four and under) and I keep that thought in my head all morning till nap time rolls around...and then the baby wakes up hungry just as I'm dozing off. Or my oldest doesn't fall asleep at all that day. And I feel frustrated and resentful and robbed on top of already being sleepy.
On the flip side, I can wake up totally exhausted but just set to work doing what needs to be done and never have I actually dropped down dead before I could at least close my eyes for the few minutes I truly needed.
Because it's not so much expectations that are the issue-it's my reaction, whether they're met or unmet. For there's opportunity for sanctification in either situation-do I receive my wishes fulfilled with gratitude or smug selfishness? Do I meet let-downs in a way that would please my God?
I've tried to let go of calling a day "bad". It might have been less than ideal, multiple times. There might have been difficulties and annoyances, for sure. In the past (and ok, let me admit it, I broke down and did it in my head today) I've tended to write the whole day as bad, just because the kids seemed to be wearing ear plugs when it came to my instructions and acted like they had signs on each other's backs saying "please do everything you can today to annoy me".
I want my expectations to be less and less about me getting whatever it may be from whoever it may be and more and more about me growing and giving and learning and teaching, whatever the day may bring.
To end, I'll leave you with these inspirational words I stumbled across recently--
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
carried
by Alanna
They are redoing one of the parking lot sections at our prayer meeting clubhouse. So I had to park far away, and I opted for the baby without the car seat as he's far easier to take that way. Afterward, I carried him in my arms over a grassy hill. He was oh so sleepy and rested his whole body against mine. Trusting, small, confident. The wind blew and it was a little cold; men were talking loudly nearby; he didn't know where we were going and he didn't care. He was in his mommy's arms. I remembered another little boy snuggled against me. I haven't set foot in that country of his birth in over 5 years now. Sometimes it feels like forever, but then this weight of my other baby boy pulls me back to that place. Walking the dirt path back up from preschool with his tired body heavy in my arms. I want to be carried that way. So often I beg God to know where He's taking me. If this wind will stop blowing, and if it will then when? I try to push away from Him so I can tell Him how I want this walk to look. I'm tired and weary but when will I be weary enough to realize that His burden is light? I want to be carried by Jesus, to lay my head heavy on His shoulder and believe that He is trustworthy. Believe it in my heart and not just in my head.
You will be safe in His arms....
The hands that hold the world
are holding Your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms.
They are redoing one of the parking lot sections at our prayer meeting clubhouse. So I had to park far away, and I opted for the baby without the car seat as he's far easier to take that way. Afterward, I carried him in my arms over a grassy hill. He was oh so sleepy and rested his whole body against mine. Trusting, small, confident. The wind blew and it was a little cold; men were talking loudly nearby; he didn't know where we were going and he didn't care. He was in his mommy's arms. I remembered another little boy snuggled against me. I haven't set foot in that country of his birth in over 5 years now. Sometimes it feels like forever, but then this weight of my other baby boy pulls me back to that place. Walking the dirt path back up from preschool with his tired body heavy in my arms. I want to be carried that way. So often I beg God to know where He's taking me. If this wind will stop blowing, and if it will then when? I try to push away from Him so I can tell Him how I want this walk to look. I'm tired and weary but when will I be weary enough to realize that His burden is light? I want to be carried by Jesus, to lay my head heavy on His shoulder and believe that He is trustworthy. Believe it in my heart and not just in my head.
You will be safe in His arms....
The hands that hold the world
are holding Your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with you always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms.
Monday, May 30, 2016
"Anxious-excited, definitely"
By Mary
That's the phrase that went through my head as I prepared for a more or less spur of the moment trip back home to Colorado (!!!) Anxious-excited, for sure. Earlier in the year we had decided against a vacation back home because of the difficulties of traveling such a long distance with all three kids and the dog/figuring out what to do with the dog if we left her behind/timing with Nick's school and taking leave while preparing to transfer to a new job on the Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort after being at Parris Island for the last two years.
In April Nick started insisting on some kind of vacation before he starts settling in to the new unit and preparing for upcoming inspections of the section he'll be in charge of (and who am I to say no to a vacation?) We bounced a few ideas back and forth and never really settled on anything, and then one day he called from work and said that he'd taken three weeks of leave and that we should drive the 24 hours to Colorado with our whole crazy crew. And that we'd leave in two weeks.
I think a little anxiety came from trying to ensure I was properly prepared to take our family of five+dog 1600 miles across the country to stay for two weeks. I didn't know what to expect with driving two or three days in a row with three kids four and under, but it sounded like a potential recipe for disaster, and I wanted to at least be as ready as possible to have the best time as possible. So I made my packing list and bought snacks and thought about what toys to bring and maxed out my holds at the library on audio books to take with us.
But really my anxiety came mostly from a nervous thought that what if, maybe, this thing that I've wanted for so long doesn't live up to my expectations? In my head it's magic, home is. And I can't count the times especially in these last two years when I've thought if I could just be home, everything would be better, everything would be good.
But three years is a long time to be away. What if my home-state looks bare and brown to my eyes grown used to tree upon tree, green upon green? What if the magic is gone? I wasn't really worried about friendships having lost their spark, because no matter how far away I am, every day I'm reminded that I have the best friends I could ever wish for. But even so there was another phrase that went through my head a lot-"Try as we might, happy as we were, we can't go back." And isn't that always the case? When you try to bring your current reality and put it together with sweet days gone by, isn't it always something of a disappointment?
Nothing could be further from the truth, for me. And yes, we had to make an unexpected trip to the DMV the morning we left South Carolina, and yes my three best friends all got sick just as we were coming into town and I didn't really see them for the first week, and no I'm not a highschooler anymore, and I never stayed up till 4 am just laughing and talking and dreaming, and no, Alanna and I didn't even manage to get one picture together or sit on a roof and just talk...but it was all perfection in it's imperfection.
Nothing could be sweeter than the unity I felt with my husband while spending time with family and friends, so different from the other times we've been there together. Nothing could be sweeter than watching my parents with their grandkids and sharing my children with my friends. Nothing could be sweeter than meeting husbands, wives, sons, daughters and seeing Alanna for the first time with her babies, such a sweet, intentional, godly mother. Nothing could be sweeter than seeing beautiful changes and maturity in ones so dear to me, spending time in their homes, being gathered all together and knowing that our hearts are still all "knit together in love".
My friend may have said it best when she told me it's exciting to her, to think that the moments we're living now are the memories we're going to look back on fondly in the years ahead. And I guess that's the key-I'm not trying to go back to those days together. I want to go forward together.
And so while it's hard being back in Beaufort after days on end of such sweet fellowship, I'm trying to make the most of these moments that will one day be memories. So today I appreciated the shade and held my tongue about the humidity when we took a picnic dinner to eat with Nick on base while he works overnight. And I marveled at the storm clouds gathering over the waterfront while the late sun rays still danced on the water as I drove home. And our baby girl watched contentedly from her car seat on the porch while I played in the rain with the kids after we pulled in the driveway.
And tonight I thank God that no matter where I am, His goodness to me is abundantly overflowing.
That's the phrase that went through my head as I prepared for a more or less spur of the moment trip back home to Colorado (!!!) Anxious-excited, for sure. Earlier in the year we had decided against a vacation back home because of the difficulties of traveling such a long distance with all three kids and the dog/figuring out what to do with the dog if we left her behind/timing with Nick's school and taking leave while preparing to transfer to a new job on the Marine Corps Air Station Beaufort after being at Parris Island for the last two years.
In April Nick started insisting on some kind of vacation before he starts settling in to the new unit and preparing for upcoming inspections of the section he'll be in charge of (and who am I to say no to a vacation?) We bounced a few ideas back and forth and never really settled on anything, and then one day he called from work and said that he'd taken three weeks of leave and that we should drive the 24 hours to Colorado with our whole crazy crew. And that we'd leave in two weeks.
I think a little anxiety came from trying to ensure I was properly prepared to take our family of five+dog 1600 miles across the country to stay for two weeks. I didn't know what to expect with driving two or three days in a row with three kids four and under, but it sounded like a potential recipe for disaster, and I wanted to at least be as ready as possible to have the best time as possible. So I made my packing list and bought snacks and thought about what toys to bring and maxed out my holds at the library on audio books to take with us.
But really my anxiety came mostly from a nervous thought that what if, maybe, this thing that I've wanted for so long doesn't live up to my expectations? In my head it's magic, home is. And I can't count the times especially in these last two years when I've thought if I could just be home, everything would be better, everything would be good.
But three years is a long time to be away. What if my home-state looks bare and brown to my eyes grown used to tree upon tree, green upon green? What if the magic is gone? I wasn't really worried about friendships having lost their spark, because no matter how far away I am, every day I'm reminded that I have the best friends I could ever wish for. But even so there was another phrase that went through my head a lot-"Try as we might, happy as we were, we can't go back." And isn't that always the case? When you try to bring your current reality and put it together with sweet days gone by, isn't it always something of a disappointment?
Nothing could be further from the truth, for me. And yes, we had to make an unexpected trip to the DMV the morning we left South Carolina, and yes my three best friends all got sick just as we were coming into town and I didn't really see them for the first week, and no I'm not a highschooler anymore, and I never stayed up till 4 am just laughing and talking and dreaming, and no, Alanna and I didn't even manage to get one picture together or sit on a roof and just talk...but it was all perfection in it's imperfection.
Nothing could be sweeter than the unity I felt with my husband while spending time with family and friends, so different from the other times we've been there together. Nothing could be sweeter than watching my parents with their grandkids and sharing my children with my friends. Nothing could be sweeter than meeting husbands, wives, sons, daughters and seeing Alanna for the first time with her babies, such a sweet, intentional, godly mother. Nothing could be sweeter than seeing beautiful changes and maturity in ones so dear to me, spending time in their homes, being gathered all together and knowing that our hearts are still all "knit together in love".
My friend may have said it best when she told me it's exciting to her, to think that the moments we're living now are the memories we're going to look back on fondly in the years ahead. And I guess that's the key-I'm not trying to go back to those days together. I want to go forward together.
And so while it's hard being back in Beaufort after days on end of such sweet fellowship, I'm trying to make the most of these moments that will one day be memories. So today I appreciated the shade and held my tongue about the humidity when we took a picnic dinner to eat with Nick on base while he works overnight. And I marveled at the storm clouds gathering over the waterfront while the late sun rays still danced on the water as I drove home. And our baby girl watched contentedly from her car seat on the porch while I played in the rain with the kids after we pulled in the driveway.
And tonight I thank God that no matter where I am, His goodness to me is abundantly overflowing.
Friday, May 20, 2016
7 years
by Alanna
Dear little one,
It comes that time of year again
to wish you happy birthday from halfway across the world.
You are seven today.
Although for you, your birthday is past
and soon you will be waking up to a new morning.
I thought of you all day,
while going through the everyday.
I don't miss you now
the way I did before
because you are so grown up
and I don't know the boy you've become
I only have these memories of you small
in my arms so fragile
and then running to me laughing
after God grew you so.
I do wonder where you are today
what your birthday celebration was like
if you are happy and if you know
how loved you are
by so many.
I pray for you every night
with baby girl
and my other little boy
Praying that God blesses you in every way
that you come to know Him
and the incredible miracles
that He has wrought in your life.
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I love you. Always.
Dear little one,
It comes that time of year again
to wish you happy birthday from halfway across the world.
You are seven today.
Although for you, your birthday is past
and soon you will be waking up to a new morning.
I thought of you all day,
while going through the everyday.
I don't miss you now
the way I did before
because you are so grown up
and I don't know the boy you've become
I only have these memories of you small
in my arms so fragile
and then running to me laughing
after God grew you so.
I do wonder where you are today
what your birthday celebration was like
if you are happy and if you know
how loved you are
by so many.
I pray for you every night
with baby girl
and my other little boy
Praying that God blesses you in every way
that you come to know Him
and the incredible miracles
that He has wrought in your life.
I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I love you. Always.
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