I'm leaving on an airplane in just some hours. Flying to Idaho to rejoice with a dear friend on her wedding day! So thankful that God gives times like this.
I'm not sure why I'm still up, avoiding the packing I have yet to finish. Today I went to the bank, and after dropping off my brother across the street, I spent some time sitting in a drive thru by myself. I glanced in the rear view mirror, habit, but of course he wasn't there. My mom instinct looks for him everywhere, even as the empty feeling in my chest reminds me that he isn't here. He is far away tonight.
It's strange, this week two of my friends are also flying places. One to meet my dear Mary, who I haven't seen in over a year now. The other is flying to my little one, back to Africa. So thankful for them, all of these journeys that God is simultaneously orchestrating. Although sometimes I wonder [why?]
Recently, I've felt in my spirit that God wants me to pray about moving back to South Africa. [no, not visiting. yes, moving] So I guess intead of packing tonight, I'm looking up job openings for a preschool teacher there. Of course, God wanting me to pray is not God sending me. My heart and hopes move too fast sometimes. Many miracles would still have to happen for this to even be possible. And of course I'm here for a while yet, committed to a job with two amazing kiddos. But I am taking the next scary step of asking, pressing in to His heart a little deeper, wondering what plans He has for this thing He's put on my heart now.
"God wanting me to pray is not God sending me."
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of crazy thing this hope is. His heart is faithful and loving, dear Alanna.
To God be all glory,
Lisa