when you feel small

by Alanna


 Being a Christian is an uphill battle, when we choose to engage in the fight. I’ve found that in some ways it’s easier to sit on the sidelines. Whatever lies and forces of darkness assail me, they seem to give me a respite when I’m not interceding for others or seeking God’s face. Then I don’t battle, but I don’t grow either. Satan doesn’t mind stagnancy I think. When I pray, I feel supported by God and comforted by Him, but I also feel ten times attacked. Lately I’ve grown weary, wanting to see answers to prayer, wanting to see God move. I pray for things that I can’t accomplish. I’m so needy for Him. My hands are tied and I’m incapable of changing these situations, other people’s hearts or my own. Where else can I go? He alone has the words of eternal life; He alone has the resurrecting power. I’ve felt small these days, dependent on Him. He heals the sick, casts out demons, raises the dead.  He can save; He can conquer sin in us and those we love. Last week my heart searched for answers, and I asked God Why is this battle so hard sometimes? If we are being conformed to the image of Christ, why don’t I see more noticeable victories? I read this in the book “Knowing God” by J.I. Packer and decided to quote it at length here, because I think I believe it now. 

“This is what all the work of grace aims at- an ever deeper knowledge of God, and an ever closer fellowship with Him. Grace is God drawing us sinners closer and closer to Himself.”

(Yes! This is what I want. To be drawn closer and closer to Him.)

“How does God in grace prosecute this purpose? Not by shielding us from assault by the world, the flesh and the devil, nor by protecting us from burdensome and frustrating circumstances, nor yet by shielding us from troubles created by our own temperament and psychology; but rather by exposing us to all these things, so as to overwhelm us with a sense of our inadequacy, and to drive us to cling to him more closely. This is the ultimate reason, from our standpoint, why God fills our lives with troubles and perplexities of one sort and another: it is to ensure that we shall learn to hold Him fast. The reason why the Bible spends so much of its time reiterating that God is a strong rock, a firm defense, and a sure refuge and help for the weak, is that God spends so much of his time bringing home to us that we are weak, both mentally and morally….God wants us to feel that our way through life is rough and perplexing, so that we may learn thankfully to lean on Him. Therefore He takes steps to drive us out of self-confidence to trust in Himself.” (The Knowledge of God, J.I. Packer, p. 250)

Praise God, who drives self-confidence out of me. He is my refuge and my sure defense. With this in mind I battle, interceding for those I love, and when forces come against me, He is my shield. When we feel small, may we find in Him all our adequacy. He is so good to us!