To my eldest

by Alanna

Dear Isabella,

Happy Birthday! You are five years old today, and for some reason that feels to me like a huge milestone of parenting. In some ways I don't feel equipped to parent "school-age" kids, but since we've been doing Kindergarten for nearly two months already, I suppose that's irrelevant. I'm so thankful that God put you into our family. I'm especially thankful that you are our oldest, because you are mature and responsible in so many ways.

You are so helpful with your little brothers. You can get the baby a snack, bring clothes for him, keep him entertained. Twice lately, of your own initiative, I've noticed you successfully redirecting him when I was on the phone.  Recently you've started helping so much more in the kitchen too- making sandwiches, measuring out the spices and mixing up the ranch, helping to frost your own birthday cake. Recently I was carrying a bunch of things out the door, and you were walking near me. "Mom!" you exclaimed. "Why are you carrying all those things? Let me help you." You have a gift for noticing what people need and are a born caretaker. Sometimes this comes with an unhealthy desire for control, but we are both working on that one you and me.

I see God working in your heart, lately in giving you a more tender conscience that confesses sin. I pray He maintains that in you, and ultimately gives you a new heart that loves Him. You have asked so many questions this past year, about death and heaven and hell and Jesus' death and what it really means. You have said that you are trying to trust God, and I pray that He gives you that faith. I don't think you are quite there yet, but I see your hunger to know and I praise God for it. 

You still love Mr. Snow, whom you affectionately call "Mitty." You love collecting things, especially in bags or on shelves. You like to plan elaborate games, wrap presents up for people, make crafts on your own. You won't eat peanut butter, or almond butter, or sunflower butter; I finally acquiesced this year and started feeding you jam and cheese sandwiches. You still love all fruit, some vegetables, burritos and pizza. You discovered the pleasure of chewing gum a few weeks ago!  

You are reading most every 3 letter word and some bigger ones quite easily already. You don't always like to be told what to do for school, but you do like doing "school pages" and coloring. You still are not a big fan of walks, but don't mind so much riding your scooter. You love to hang out with older kids, and usually gravitate most to the oldest girl in a family.

I love so many things about you. Your laugh, the way you incite your brothers to laugh hysterically with you. The way you care for people, your obedience, the way you love to learn and make new things, your generous heart.  For your birthday today, you wrapped up "presents" in tissue paper for all of your guests and brothers. And didn't expect or receive anything from them in return. 

Most of all, my beautiful daughter, I love you. I praise God for every single day of these 5 years He has given us together. You are a precious gift to me.