merry christmas

dear little one,
how do i write to you
on a night like tonight?
when my heart is so full of you
but my arms are so empty
the clock on my nightstand reads 6:40 a.m.
your time, Christmas morning
i can close my eyes and go back in my mind
to this time one year ago
you were wearing those blue and white pjs
and you sat in my lap and opened presents
i want more than memories with you
there is a big empty place inside of me
because you are not here
this sorrow is a tangible reminder to me
of what Christmas means
God separated from HIS only Son
sometimes I think that christmas is not meant to be lived
away from your children
but the first Christmas was just that-
separation
the beginning of a beautiful redemption
because He loved us that much
my darling one,
I pray that this christmas
you know love
that you don't ache for your momma's arms
as much as my arms ache for you
I hear that one of your new favorite words
is hosannah
do you know what hosannah means baby?
it means "please save"
and this word that you love
is your momma's very prayer for you
i miss you
and i wish, always wish
that we could be together this Christmas
but you are held in my heart
always
i love you