death and life

by Alanna

I've been meaning to post a blog for such a long time. I know my dear twin, Mary, has better excuses than I do- as she's now blessed to be caring for her little baby! I don't like to post a blog today but maybe it will help me to process some things.

In the past week and a half, four people dear to my heart have died. My highschool friend, in a car accident. My selfless aunt, from cancer. My neighbor friend's mom, from cancer also. And then a precious baby, from a rare blood disease. It has been a hard week full of grieving.These stories don't end with grief though. (that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus). I read in a book recently that the central theme of Christianity should not be the cross, but the empty grave. And I realized anew this week, just how beautiful the resurrection is. Because of the resurrection, we have a sure and founded hope that through death, comes life. (Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains by itself alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit).

I can't pretend that things are so simple though. Up until yesterday, I'd felt that I could grieve and be held by Jesus and I didn't question His ways. When the baby died in South Africa, I caved in. Maybe this is the weak link of my faith- always my times of greatest questioning and doubt have come after the death of a child. At Friday night prayer meeting, we talked about the kindness of the Lord (the earth is full of Thy lovingkindness, O Lord). And I confidently asserted that God's mercies are a kindness. Every day we overlook His mercy, because we forget what we deserve. It was easy for me to forget that yesterday, and wonder how on earth I could view such a short, hard life as a kindness from the Lord. And how do you speak about God's grace when someone is missing from the room and there is just grief standing there instead? Two friends reminded me when I spewed out my hurt and confusion last night. Even precious baby didn't deserve anything. God gave her a few weeks to be loved deeply here on earth, and then wrapped her in His arms and took her home. Took away her suffering, her pain, and gave her new unending life. God's mercy, God's kindness. I'm not afraid anymore to assert it. God is good. I don't pretend to understand or to have answers. I hate death and the sorrow that it brings. But I do know that it's not just grief in these houses. God's mercy stands there too. Because none of us deserve to have beautiful, unending life in heaven with Him. And through His Son, even death is just a passage into that incredible mercy.

Then will come about the saying that is written,

"Death is swallowed up in victory.

O death, where is your victory?

O death, where is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin,

and the power of sin is the law;

but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory

through our Lord Jesus Christ.