victory over sin

by Alanna


  One night I paced up and down my driveway. I can't explain how the lights did it, but when I walked up the driveway, my shadow was solitary, and when I walked back down it split into two. That night I ached to be my solitary shadow, to be one, to be whole-heartedly renouncing sin and running to Jesus. I feel like Paul in the seventh chapter of Romans- 'wretched man that I am! who will set me free from the body of this death?' The last months have been difficult for me, as God has made my depravity so clear to me. I believe what my pastor said last Sunday is true- if it wasn't for the power of God, I'd be that dog returning to its own vomit (2 Peter 2:22). It breaks my heart, that I tolerate sin in my own life. These things that Jesus bled and died to pay for. It breaks my heart that we choose anything over Jesus. It breaks my heart that I don't run as far and as fast as I can from temptation.

  Do we truly believe that God is worthy of our everything? That He owns us, and deserves our full undivided heart? Francis Chan writes that God doesn't want our leftovers, that He'd rather have nothing. I think a lot of it hinges on what we think God is worth. God doesn't need us, He is all-sufficient and all-powerful. But then this God of the universe, crucifies His only Son to redeem us. All this undeserved mercy and grace, poured out through the blood of Jesus. And we dare to choose our own petty lives over Him, to embrace the very sin that He came to free us from. Oh we are wretched indeed! I've come to realize these past months, that every sin is serious. That Jesus didn't have to die just for things like murder and adultery, but for things like hatred and lust and unforgiveness and pride.

 That night pacing my driveway, for some reason my two shadows eventually split into three. Or maybe the third was there all along, I just hadn't noticed it. God doesn't leave us alone here to battle sin, He left us the Spirit. When we truly want Him more than our sin, when we truly count Him worthy, He will help us overcome. It is only through Him that we find power to overcome sin, to run far from the world, to crucify daily our flesh, strength to run after Him. And at His throne, we will find mercy and grace to help in time of need.

i'm like Peter crying

crowing burning my ears

still You come near

You take my hand

and place in my palm an eternal chance

i give You myself

it's all that i have

broken and frail

i'm clay in Your hands

and i'm spinning unconcealed
dizzy on this wheel

for You my Love