the frailty of life

by Alanna

  

On June 22^nd, 2013, I became Mrs. Hailu- wife and helper and lifelong companion to the one I love. The wedding went well despite any worries I had, and hopefully gave glory to God- the Giver of this good gift called marriage. I was blessed by so many dear friends and my precious family rejoicing with us. Afterward we spent a week in the mountains, which was a gift in so many ways. I’m quite sure I love Yonas more now than I did a week ago, even than a day ago. I had some fears before the wedding, that maybe sin would manifest itself stronger after marriage, and that we’d go from joy and delight in each other to fighting and hard. Our first week of marriage dispelled those fears for me, because God is the One who brought us together. He blessed us with so many good things all week. We danced in the kitchen and laughed hard and walked and cooked and loved.

On our third day of marriage, God gave us a stark reminder of the frailty of life. And I pray we count each other more of a gift because of it. Yonas and I went out in the canoe on a big lake. We had ventured out a bit too far when the wind picked up and the canoe tipped. The water was icy cold and I panicked. The shore was much too far for swimming against the cold waves. We asked Jesus to come to our rescue. He sent a boat. And we are still alive, even today. Instead of drowning, we get to be married and love each other for one more day. It puts things in perspective. Those vast mountains- their Creator so powerful and strong. And then little weak us- flailing in a tiny spot of water. And He comes to our rescue. I believe it’s so that we can love- Him and those around us. It reminded us not to take each other for granted. Every moment is really a gift. No matter what else I do as a wife or a sister or a daughter or a friend, I want to love people fiercely, as if time is not guaranteed. I want to hold nothing back. Because today is all we may have left. 

thankful

by Alanna

  These days I frequently do happy dances around my house, cry, laugh hard, wake up every hour through the night because I'm too excited to sleep, pack my things into boxes, take down pictures of beautiful African kids from my walls, pray and hope and wait with so much expectation. I watch in awe as all these godly women gather at my house- to sew and gather and glue and roll and dip creations. I'm humbled by their encouragement, their support, and the way they intentionally pursue Christ. I'm thankful to have so many godly wives to look up to for advice. I'm thankful for my man and the way his eyes are kind to me and he listens even over Skype. I'm thankful for the way he upholds me with truth and love across these miles. I'm thankful for the way God uses us together sometimes, even now, becoming one. I let the twins sit on my lap for lunch today, because its one of our last. I kiss their blonde heads and sing to them about Jesus because if there is one thing they remember from me, I want it to be Him. I hold my little sister's hand and my dad's arm and walk before sunset with all of them. I'm filled up with blessings, to overflowing. I hug my brother extra these days, touch my tiny nephew's new soft skin, talk late with a friend because now is not the time for sleeping. I'm so filled up with emotion these days that I haven't known what to write here. I feel excitement and joy the strongest. I feel utterly inadequate to teach in Honduras, and sometimes terribly afraid that I won't make a good wife either. I cringe from all these goodbyes coming soon. But mostly I feel FULL. I feel full of gratitude and thanksgiving because God has shown me His love. He has shown me mercy, has gifted me above and beyond all I ever deserved or even imagined. In ten days I'll be called Yonas' wife, and in 8 weeks I'll pack my life into a suitcase and together we'll go. I tightly treasure all this here now, but I also dance with joy when I think of the future. I hope and pray that this filling of blessings overflows into gratitude. Always, only, to the Giver of all good things.

excitement

By Mary

 In just a week (ok ok one week, 15 hours and about 45 minutes) baby and I will be flying back home. Which is completely exciting in and of itself. And to top it all off I get to be a part of Alanna's wedding to a super great guy whom God so clearly brought into her life with His perfect timing. I love their story and I already love what God has ahead of them...more of His big, beautiful plans. And I really really love the friendship I have with this pretty lady

I

 

phantom hands

By Mary

Every time I see a toddler with sweet pudgy hands, my own hands feel a phantom ache, the memory of how it felt to hold your hands in mine.

To this day tears spring to my eyes when those little things take me back to our times together. No more regret or guilt. I just miss you.

So I hold my baby a little bit tighter and rock her before bed a little longer and pray your parents are doing the same. I hope you know how loved you are.

miracle years

by Alanna

Dear little one,

today is your birthday.

this year my hopes for you were more than wishes

because i am certain that you are being loved

and that your birthday was celebrated

and that you were tucked in to sleep by loving hands.

on your half of the world, by now you will be sleeping.

on my half of the world, it's raining cold

and my heart hurts 

because it still longs to be with you

i dumped coins into a machine at the bank

took notes on teaching techniques as i prepare to move far away from here

and all the while i wondered 

what am i doing so far away from you?

i wanted to be with you today, like every day before

but most of all i want you to know that

you are treasured and dearly loved.

this day marks the miracle of 4 years of your life. 

God has done good things in all of them.

today my heart aches for you, but I am thankful

for the precious gift you are

happy birthday little one

i love you with all my heart

always

"Gift of Singleness"

By Mary

I don't know why exactly it's been in my mind so much, this phrase so popular in Christianized circles, "the gift of singleness".

I think it came from 1st Corinthians 7, when Paul talks about marriage and staying single and says "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another."

What's funny to me when I hear people talk about it is that they usually view it as a state of mind. Like if you're perfectly content without any romantic attachments, no plans or intense desires to get married, or if your life goals and ambitions might make getting hitched particularly difficult, than you my friend have the gift of singleness.

I guess I just see singleness as a state of being. Either you're single or you're not. And the thing is, if you are, it's a gift. You have the gift of singleness. Even if you don't always and even if you'd kind of like a different gift now, thank you.

I think I got on this train of thought because I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. It's easy for me sometimes to forget the loneliness of my heart before I had my man...easy to think how simple it was to mostly just have myself to consult in decision making and preferences of lifestyle and a million other random things. It's especially easy in the moments when my heart feels so lonely sitting right next to the person I married. It takes a little reminding that my marriage just as it is--crazy and faulty and beautiful and growing--is a gift. It's what I have from God right at this moment, to be appreciated, enjoyed, and to make the most of it.

I hope that's what we all try to do with our gifts--whatever they are and for however long we get to have them.

new and beautiful things

by Alanna

  It's the eve of Mother's Day, 

and I'm rejoicing tonight 

because God is doing beautiful things. 

My first nephew was born last Friday night, 

a living, breathing little person, 

with brand new soft skin and eyes wide open. 

It's my sister-in-law's first Mother's Day as a mom.

They've been given such a precious gift

and watching them love him is incredible. 

My cousins have also been given a gift- 

a little girl growing inside, due to arrive this summer. 

They were separated from their first children. 

This Mother's Day, there will be not only hurt but also a reason to rejoice. 

My dear friend lost her first son in Africa. 

He is now in the arms of His Father, 

but every Mother's Day 

has been a reminder of her loss. 

This year, her and her husband began the adoption process for another child. 

And just this past week, they accepted the referral for a little boy in Africa! 

Tonight, my friend is not only a mother bereaved, 

but a mother expectant

with hope and anticipation for the day they get to bring home their son. 

Then there's all these stories of former orphans, 

being tucked in tonight by their moms.

 Those little ones, so long prayed over, never forgotten by their Father. 

I have a list of 70 kids that I've known and loved and prayed for, 

those who are now in families of their own.

God is doing new and beautiful things.

Children can't be replaced, loss is real, 

and grief is not ended by new joy.

Time spent as an orphan can never be undone.

But God gives new gifts, always.

His plans for us are beyond our imagination.

Tonight I am thankful.

I'm thankful that God is creating new life, 

that He is putting together families.

This mother's day,

I don't need to prove to anyone that I am a mom.

He is here in my heart, and tonight

I'm praising God that He gave me such a gift.

I'm praising Him that my little one has a family.

And most of all tonight, I want one thing.

I want for Him to receive the glory,

Because He does new things.