reminders

by Alanna

I've been trying to look for gifts lately. I feel like it has been so long since I rejoiced to be alive. I don't like this path I see myself headed down- bitterness, cynicism, hopelessness. Those aren't things that the redeemed are known for. I want to mourn without a trace of depression, to be angry at the state of the world, without any hate. I want my heart to break for the orphans, but I want to live worthy of caring for them. And I guess this is a part of it. Practicing being thankful, asking God for joy. Anyway, in that spirit, I reluctantly agreed to a trip to the mountains on Thursday. Don't get me wrong- I love the mountains. But I'd gathered that this was to be more of a work trip, and construction isn't one of my interests. I hadn't been to the mountains in a long time though, and I didn't have much better to do that day. So I headed up with my dad and three of the brothers, and watched God's blessings, in awe, all day long.

The mountains in themselves are a gift. I can tell when we are really getting into them because they tower around and I feel so sheltered, protected there. Even just winding up and down steep roads, I can't stop looking at the cliffs on either side, and straining to see the blue sky above. It is such a crazy feeling to be surrounded by those giants. At what feels like the top of the world, I and the brothers went exploring old mining warehouses, and I felt like a little kid again. Feeling for handrails in the dark, climbing ladders and finding cannonballs. Then the snow, and the way it felt between my fingers. I hadn't felt snow in a long time- more than a year. With the sun shining, it was piled high along the sides of the dirt roads. Then we shot guns into a snowbank, and I sat in the open back of the jeep. Its something incredible to just be in these mountains. Everything is so beautiful, and for some reason its there that I feel closest, in a way, to South Africa. Maybe its the country, or the long road through valleys. Maybe its just that my eyes are so open- palm held out to receive God's gifts, like a little kid. Those mountains make me feel that way. They make me feel so small. God was big enough to speak them into existence, and I believe that He hears little insignificant me, standing in the valley and pouring out my heart to Him. But my fears feel not so daunting, my doubts not so logical, when I stand in the valley between these peaks. God IS still big enough to speak these mountains into existence. And He is still big enough to move mountains too. More beautiful still, He clearly loves me enough to place me there- in the midst of all that beauty, where He knew I'd find some sort of calm for my frantic heart. The mountains remind me that God hasn't forgotten us. On the drive out, I made a remark about how the sky looks so big once you get back into the foothills. And my brother said that the sky is always beautiful, we just take it for granted. Maybe it is that way with all of God's blessings. Thanking Him, tonight, for these.