transitioning

by Alanna

A few weeks ago I said goodbye to the twins, who I had nannied for the past nearly two years. It reminded me of other goodbyes, in nursery rooms in South Africa. I cried for all those kids I love, my son I ache for, the hurts of the world's little ones.

I had grown to love the twins- how could I help it? They had been a stable factor in my life over the past years of emotional turmoil, both good and bad. When I started with them, I had just come back from Africa and was praying about adoption. I ached for my little one, my heart left behind with him. All my thoughts and prayers constantly pulled back to that continent and the place where he was, and all my plans here revolved around him and what I believed God wanted me to do concerning him.

Each week, I went to work with the twins. The boy reminded me of my little one and sometimes I cried for it, but him and his sister also won their way into my hearts as I watched them grow up little by little. In that first year of work, I fought for my son. And in the end I lost him, lost the chance to be his mother. But in that ending there was also immense victory, as God answered prayers and did beautiful things for my little one. I watched in awe, gratitude, and heartache, as God finally placed him in a family.

Through those times, working with the twins got me out of bed in the morning after I'd cried myself to sleep. Through the twins God gave me gifts every day, things to thank Him for here. And then in the second year of working there, God brought a wonderful man to me. And less than one year after I said yes to being his girlfriend, I'm his wife. We'll soon board a plane to Honduras to be teachers at a Christian school there. Over these last two years, I've experienced both the saddest and the happiest days of my life. I still cry sometimes, still act like an emotional wreck. I still dance around the house because I'm crazy in love. I'm thankful today for the twins, and the way that God gifted us with each other through all the turmoil of these last years. I'm thankful that God Himself is a gift to us through all these changes. He is ever faithful, His promises enduring always.